DoulaMomma

fierce momma

2012-01-28T16:14:00.002-05:00

Worldwide Movement against Belo Monte dam project in Amazonia

Save them, join and share : http://www.facebook.com/petition.belomonte.en

snippet of motherhood: like mother, like son

2012-01-28T09:04:00.003-05:00

Yesterday my middle son, who just turned 11, said,

"Mom, do you think it's time to take everything out of the pantry and get rid of what's old? It looks kind of messy."

This from a boy who has to be completely hassled to clean up his room most of the time. But he is the kid who watches HGTV with me - maybe he has inherited my nesting/organization/design urges. The funny thing is that I had been thinking exactly the same thing about the pantry the day before. I guess I have my weekend project - maybe I'll get him to help.

Homebirth upswing in the news again

2012-01-27T08:39:00.004-05:00

Amanda Steen/NPR

Shannon Earle holds her new baby Kiera Breen Earle, moments after she was born at their home last year.

You can read about the 29% overall (more for older white women) jump from 2004-2009 on the NPR site, on "All Things Considered", but there is also a handy link where you can listen...nothing soothes me like the clear, melodic and in-depth reporting of NPR.

"It's as safe for women who are at low risk as hospital birth for low-risk women but with significantly reduced rates of preterm birth, low birth weight, unnecessary caesarean sections and also very high rates of maternal satisfaction," says Katherine Prown of The Big Push, which is advocating for legalizing midwives in more states.

Babies born at home were less likely to be born prematurely or underweight, the analysis found. And for many women with uncomplicated pregnancies, home birth can often be a fine alternative, experts say.

everybody's doing it

2012-01-26T21:52:00.004-05:00

Love this image! And now that I'm checking out the blog, I really like it too...
As seen on BLUE MILK
Image credit: “Yo Mama” breastfeeding her daughter while sitting with her teammates from the Anarchy Angels Roller Derby Team (photo by Russ Desaulniers) via Avital Norman Nathman.

...what a (pregnant) girl wants, what a (pregnant) girl needs

2012-01-26T09:53:00.002-05:00

gotta love it...created by Pregnant Chicken, check out "Porn For Pregnant Ladies" - handsome men saying all the things a momma really wants to hear. Even if your baby havin' days are behind you, I promise you will laugh and enjoy!

Happy MLK Day

2012-01-16T15:07:00.004-05:00

Here's one of my favorite songs (Jack Johnson & Ben Harper singing) - I think Dr. King would have liked it as well...

#muffintop

2012-01-16T14:37:00.005-05:00

I feel like I'm wearing the social media equavilent of mom jeans in a low rise world. (don't get me started on muffin tops)...Me - a fairly tech savvy person.
So I guess I signed up for LinkedIn a million years ago and feel like a jerk everyday when people want to "connect" and I don't even know how. Am I offending people? Should I find the info and get going on it? Can't we just stay connected via Facebook or email?
And then there's Twitter...I have an old account. The crappy thing is that someone already had doulamomma, DoulaMomma and DoulaMomma1, leaving me with @MommaDoula (edited to add that I am now @DoulaMommaKC). oy - not that I know how to tweet. I know hash tags are involved and that I thought hash tags were the pound symbol...sigh.
I feel like some old gal at the Senior Rec Center needing to get one of the volunteer "young people" to help me figure it all out.
And now Skype - need to figure that out too for a project - how will I ever remember all these passwords?

I'm feeling like pony express or carrier pigeon was not such a bad thing. How much can any one person keep up with? I'm tired and cranky and need to have more coffee...and maybe a muffin.

picture of stone tablet above is this

repost: a birthday message from Grandma

2012-01-15T11:57:00.004-05:00

My middle son is 11 today - happy birthday to him and to Dr. Martin Luther King - I always love that they share the same birthday!
This is from maybe two years ago...

birthday greeting from Grandma

my mother-in-law sent this note with O's birthday gift and I always appreciate the time she takes to pass along these memories - no Hallmark from her!

Dear O,
I remember the night you were born - L was sleeping at our house and I woke him up after your father called to tell us you were ready to come to us.

It was very cold that night, but L was very excited and didn't mind waking and facing the cold. On the way over, when we got near the George Washington Bridge, there were detour signs because of construction.

Grandma and L got lost...

By the time we reached the birthing center, you had already arrived. I specifically remember the joy in your mother's and father's faces just looking at you!! Everyone was thrilled to welcome you onto this planet!!

Each year as you grow, I see you loving this world and all those around you as much as they love you!!

Love, hugs and kisses.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

follow up to the baby Jay-Z/Beyonce produced

2012-01-10T08:20:00.006-05:00

Get it? Produced? Because even though they are new parents, however they got there (surrogate and fake baby bump? Cesarean? Vaginal? Hard to tell with all the rumors circulating), it seems like quite the production. I do feel better about the story now that the NY Times has weighed in and not just the (Fox owned) NY Post! In that article, a new mother impacted is quoted as saying, “I guess that was the only special event happening in the hospital”.

Case in point, check out the song Jay-Z has already released (that was fast!):

Glory - Jay-Z feat. Blue Ivy Carter

For private people, it seems kind of wacky to sing about miscarriage, conception place and, well, a touch odd to discuss death by liver failure while celebrating a new baby. But also it seems like the baby is all about being an extension of them as parents. I know that's not uncommon, but it seems especially true here.

I do like the line, "life is a gift, open it up" and of course, the baby crying - sweet.

However this baby Blue got here, I hope she is healthy and happy. I also hope that however Beyonce became a mother, she feels great about it...truly.

Congrats to Beyonce & Jay-Z but damn, who do you (and hospital administrators) think you are??

2012-01-08T22:36:00.002-05:00

Beyonce and Jay-Z are new parents...great - God bless and best wishes to you and your baby daughter, Blue Ivy Carter...BUT get over yourselves, ...parents with babies in the NICU care about seeing their babies, not you. Shame on you both and the decision makers at Lenox Hill Hospital who are putting your absurd demands for privacy over the RIGHTS of other parents/families to see their own babies.

Read news article here.

snippet of motherhood: cold hands, warm heart

2012-01-04T19:26:00.004-05:00

My momma-heart was warmed on this frigid day by seeing my oldest helping his brothers gear up for their first evening of ski club (oldest starts next week, though he's already been boarding this season). He loaned his gear bag fairly willingly and helped my middle son figure out how to get his snowboarding boots on/strap in to board and gave advice on the mountain (he's familiar with it, having been in the same club when he was younger). Because my middle son is making the switch from skis to a board, I think he knew my youngest might be a bit envious and so it was nice to see him complementing youngest's super cool "pro looking" skis.*

Great also seeing my guys pop out of bed this morning and then rush home from school, just so excited to get out there. They didn't even care much about what snack to take and were not grubby about how much cash I was handing out for dinner. My middle even agreed to have his little brother sit near him (but not with!) on the bus.

Hope the lame pocket warmers are enough to keep them enchanted!

*here's a tip: your old gym bag with slot for yoga mat makes a great ski bag for a kid...skis slid right in where yoga mat would go. You're welcome! ;-)

Welcome baby Gabriel Raymond!

2012-01-03T21:52:00.005-05:00

born at 7:26 this evening, weighing 8lb 11oz...we were expecting you hours sooner, counting on the fact that your birth would be like your big brother's and sister's births...you third babies so often keep us waiting and guessing! Your momma worked so very hard and as soon as you were in her arms she said, "I love you and I claim you - you are my baby!" Your proud daddy told you about the world in your first minutes - you are so loved!
I think you will be a powerful and dramatic soul given that you were born at the peak of opera music, "Flower Duet" by Lakme...so that meteor shower due tonight must be a special welcome from the universe just for you! Welcome baby Gabriel!

Happy last day of 2011!

2011-12-31T14:41:00.006-05:00

I'm waiting on a baby and enjoying family and friend time as this year closes and another opens...
I was always told that how you spend New Year's Day is important, for it is the foundation of how you will spend the whole year. I like to put the same mindfulness into the last day of the year too:
thinking, "this is the last time I will do ___ for the year"...whether it's making coffee or making the bed, I like paying attention to the little things & enjoying them...we will never have *this* day again.

Happy Old Year & Happy New Year!

*I don't know who took this picture - it's floating around Facebook...thanks to whomever!

belated welcome to Elizabeth Maclay!

2011-12-31T14:33:00.003-05:00

Born December 22 at 5:30pm, after a super long labor...Elizabeth, your heroic mom worked so hard while you were making your way into this world and your daddy was right there every minute using all his muscles to help your momma as she labored. 9 pounds, 1oz and is over 21 inches long - nice! So glad you made it home in time for Christmas - what a nice gift, made even nicer for the fact that you are named in honor of your great grandmother. Welcome!

Welcome Andrew Simon!

2011-12-18T17:15:00.002-05:00

Born today at 11:34am after another fairly quick, intense labor. Your strong, brave momma got to the hospital at 9cm less than an hour before you were born. And your water broke at 11:11 - that's got to be lucky, right? And once again, your daddy knew just the right way to press on her back. Everyone was so excited to meet you - even the midwife rushed over on her day off and got there just in time. I think you are going to be an acrobat - time will tell.
You are perfect at 8lb 1oz and there is some talk of dimples! You will soon discover that your big brother is super cool - a total glass-half-full kind of person who, I'm sure, is super excited to meet you.

Welcome!

Welcome Joseph Ajay

2011-12-17T14:39:00.004-05:00

Born this morning at 3:22am after a brief, intense labor (no time for that tub) by lantern and Christmas tree lights*. Only three contractions of pushing and you were born, nibbling the doctor's finger while entering the world! There is a picture of your mom smiling peacefully just before you were born because she knew it was time to meet you. She is a rock star!

Your proud poppa knew just how to do the hip squeeze your momma needed and was calm and right there every minute. Your grandma got to kiss your toes when you were only moments old.

You are a nursing champ, making your momma (a newly minter La Leche League leader!!) so happy.

What a big, beuatiful boy, 9lb 3oz, with lots of black hair and eyebrows. Your big sisters are going to love you so!

*the hospital was testing it's backup generator, so most of the power was off.

snippet of motherhood: makes my heart melt

2011-11-30T19:07:00.004-05:00

Bananas with brown spots...no one around here wants to eat them that way. They usually go into the freezer for smoothies or future baking. Today, however, I decided to seize a rare moment of quiet and see if my middle kid wanted to learn how to make banana bread.

I'm sure they would figure this kind of stuff out if they need to, but I want to know that they will be men who have a few cooking techniques under their belts and can properly fold fitted sheets and any of the other stuff I feel compelled to show them...

As we were cooking, he said something that made me so glad,

"Mom - did you ever notice that food cooked at home tastes so much better than any other food you can buy?"

This from my non-eater. I love that kid, and I'm glad he gets the value of home cooked food...at least food containing chocolate.

Pure, Utter Joy!

2011-11-23T07:35:00.005-05:00

This ecstatic photo of a home water birth in Australia, taken by midwife photographer Jane McCrae, is in the running to win National Geographic's Photo 2011 contest, showing the world how utterly joyous birth can be...something to be thankful for, indeed!

The photographer's commentary,

Only a mother can understand the joy of locking eyes with her newborn babe the moment they take their first breath.

After the powerful journey of labor, Natalia embraces her babe for the very first time. Sheer exhilaration, joy and love describes the moment of bringing forth her child. The gentle hand of her midwife, trusting in the innate wisdom of birth

Location: Homebirth. Tumbi Umbi, NSW, Australia

Can you spare 3 minutes? Cord clamping: new information confirms what many of us "knew" already

2011-11-18T14:31:00.011-05:00

Most families I serve ask for "delayed" cord clamping, assuming the baby is well and not in need of immediate care away from the mom. But what constitutes "delayed"? It's always been a mushy concept and for some providers, delayed is 10 seconds while another might wait 10 minutes. A study abstracted on Medscape (see below) finds that 3 minutes is enough to allow the baby to take back what rightfully belongs to it and decrease chances of anemia and other health implications:

Delayed Cord Clamping Raises Iron Stores at 4 Months
Ricki Lewis, PhD
Authors and Disclosures
November 15, 2011 — Allowing placental blood to flow into the neonate for 3 minutes, rather than cutting the umbilical cord within the first 10 seconds, as is common, increases blood volume sufficiently to elevate ferritin at 4 months, finds a study published online November 16 in theBritish Medical Journal.
Adequate iron stores are essential for brain neuron myelination, dendritic growth, neurotransmission, and energy metabolism in neurons and glia. Because iron demands are high in the young, iron-deficiency anemia and subclinical iron deficiency are associated with long-lasting cognitive and behavioral problems. Past studies that support a delay in cord cutting were conducted in developing or middle-income populations that have a high prevalence of iron deficiency anemia (ie, in Guatemala, India, Mexico, and Zambia), but did not follow up children past the neonatal period. Iron deficiency is less prevalent, yet still fairly common, in other nations.
Ola Andersson, MD, a neonatologist at the Hospital of Halland in Sweden, and colleagues enrolled 400 full-term infants born after low-risk pregnancies between April 2008 and September 2009, and randomized the time of cord cutting to either 10 seconds or 3 minutes. When a birth was imminent, the midwife would open an envelope assigning either cord-cut time. Midwives held the neonates 20 cm below the level of the mothers' vulvas for 30 seconds and then placed the infants on the mothers' abdomens to facilitate blood transfer.
The researchers assessed infant blood sampled on the second day for CBC (hemoglobin, packed cell volume, mean cell volume, mean cell hemoglobin concentration, reticulocyte count, and reticulocyte hemoglobin), iron status (serum iron, transferrin, serum ferritin, transferrin saturation, and soluble transferrin receptors), C reactive protein, and bilirubin and repeated all but the bilirubin test on 4-month samples.
Because past rationale for cutting the cord immediately after birth was increased risk for adverse events resulting from excess blood, the researchers also assessed the late-cord-cut infants for respiratory symptoms, polycythemia, and need for phototherapy to treat neonatal jaundice. Blood was drained from the placenta and volume measured, which explained the higher average weight of the babies with later-cut cords.
At 4 months, the infants in both groups had similar hemoglobin concentration, but the infants whose cords were cut later had 45% (95% confidence interval, 23% - 71%) higher mean ferritin concentration (117 μg/L vs 81 μg/L; P < .001) and lower prevalence of iron deficiency (1 [0.6%] vs 10 [5.7%] infants; P = .01). The delayed group also had lower prevalence of neonatal anemia (2 [1.2%] vs 10 [6.3%] infants; P= .02). The groups did not differ in respiratory symptoms, polycythemia, or hyperbilirubinemia.
Every 20 babies having delayed clamping could prevent 1 case of iron deficiency, the researchers estimate. They conclude that delayed clamping "should be considered as standard care for full term deliveries after uncomplicated pregnancies."
Patrick van Rheenen, MD, a consultant pediatrician at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, agrees in an accompanying editorial that "enough evidence exists to encourage a routine change in practice."
The study was supported by grants from the Regional Scientific Council of Halland; the HASNA Foundation, Halmstad; HRH Crown Princess Lovisa’s Foundation for Child Care, Stockholm; and the Framework of Positive Scientific Culture, Hospital of Halland, Halmstad The authors and the editorialist, Dr. van Rheenen, have disclosed no relevant financial relationships.
BMJ. Published online November 16, 2011. Full text

Unclear how this would impact cord blood banking for those who wish to do that, I contacted one of the major providers of this service, CBR. According to their phone representative, banking requires 100 million total nucleated cells - not a specific volume of blood. Every collection is tested to make sure there are enough cells for banking. It was the opinion of the representative with whom I spoke that allowing the cord to pulse for 3 minutes would still leave sufficient blood to allow for banking. Happily/surprisingly,CBR will call and give people the option to continue with the service in the event that not enough cells are present to meet their threshold for storage or exercise the option of a full refund. They said that it's very rare, as most samples are in the billions. They were aware of the study and it had been passed around there for their education. It is their hope that someday even small samples will be able to be "grown" into large amounts of stem cells.

well that's a new one...

2011-11-15T19:08:00.003-05:00

Last night, as my much-delayed plane landed, I checked messages and there were several...a client's labor had started a bit early, but she did not need the waiting backup yet and knew I was en route. Then another, just before my plane landed: her water broke and they were on their way to the hospital...eek! Although I'd been mad that my flight was rerouted to NYC instead of NJ, it ended up being great - I went straight from the airport to the hospital in the city. No birth bag and wearing cowboy boots, but it didn't matter. I did have my iPad and was able to supply the music they had left in their rush to get to the hospital, as well as waters and such.
Just goes to show, it's not about the stuff or the toys - just being present with an open heart is often what's best. (minus the boots, maybe)

Welcome baby Guiliana!

2011-11-15T19:05:00.002-05:00

Born on your Grandma's birthday very early this morning - you are so beautiful and delicate. Your momma knew just what she needed to do and your daddy was right there with her for every minutes of your labor and birth...
welcome to the world!!

Welcome Abbey!

2011-11-10T20:06:00.002-05:00

Beautiful girl - born with the full moon, within an hour of your girl cousin...a hawk told me you were coming. What wonderful instincts you have, just like your momma! Welcome to this world, little girl.

an open letter to leaders from The MotherHood Blog

2011-11-08T11:34:00.001-05:00

Dear 2012 Presidential Candidates,

We are your future constituents and we are parents.

We are American mothers and fathers and grandparents and guardians. Our families might be the most diverse in the world. Blended and combined in endless permutations, we represent every major religion, political ideology and ethnic culture that exists. We are made from equal parts biology and choice. Our children come to us in every way possible—including fertility miracles, adoption, and remarriage.

Our very modern families embody the freedom that defines America. We embody America. We are rich in diversity, but we are united in our family values. We come together today, with one voice, to express our grave disappointment in the national political discourse.

The 2012 countdown has barely begun and we are already bombarded with the warmed-over, hypocritical rhetoric of 2008. We are living in a time where 15.1% of Americans now live in poverty, the unemployment rate stands at 16%, and we are spending close to $170 billion annually between the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Given the current state of affairs we would expect every candidate to focus on the issues that truly matter: job creation, debt-relief, taxes, education, poverty, and ending the war(s). Instead, it is already clear to us that the conversation has been hijacked, with the goal of further polarizing our nation into a politically motivated and falsely created class-war.

We will not stand for another campaign year in which politicians presume to know what our family values are as they relate to the nation.

To be clear, here are our family values:

• Affordable health care, including family planning, for all Americans. We will not tolerate any candidate using the shield of “Choice” to blind us from the issues that really matter. When funding is stripped from organizations like Planned Parenthood, access to sliding-scale health care (including yearly pap smears & mammograms), comprehensive sex education, and family planning is blocked from the poorest of the population.

• Access to education, and the ability to actually use it. We want quality, affordable, federally-funded full-day, pre-K programs made available in every State, in order to provide an even starting point for all children enrolled in public schools— regardless of the wealth of the district or town they live in.

• A reinstatement of regulations for banks issuing mortgages and full prosecution for those who engaged in fraud. We want full accountability —investigation, indictment and prosecution— of those individuals and financial institutions who engaged in fraudulent lending practices and who helped create the massive foreclosures that left many families homeless or struggling to keep their homes.

• A return of strict environmental regulations protecting water, air, food, and land that were removed in the last two decades. We want our children to grow up in a world not weighed down by the strains of pollution and global warming. Between BPA in our products, sky-rocketing rates of asthma in kids, questionable hormones in our over-processed food, and more, we need leaders who will put our needs and safety over the desires and profits of large corporations.

Family planning, healthcare, education, economic solvency and environmental safety: these are our national family values.

Candidates who demonstrate the ability to understand the gravity of these issues, and their impact on our families, and who can provide actual, viable solutions to these problems will garner our support and our votes.

We believe in our democratic system, and we'll continue to use our voices and our votes to see that it reaches its fullest potential.

Sincerely,

Your future constituents,

The Mothers & Fathers of America

To whom it may concern,

2011-11-08T11:07:00.005-05:00

Dear leaders and aspiring leaders of the free world,

I bet many of you were called to politics out of a desire to serve and make the world a better place. Well, it looks like you have lost your way.

In addition to being a wife and mother, I work to serve birthing women and families. In that role, I see every day people within healthcare who have also lost their way. Not unlike physicians and others in healthcare, you have taken an oath to serve those who have entrusted themselves to you. I know as well as anyone the demands of service can take a toll personally. We are all human, with our own needs and our own families and aspirations. But when you find that your own interests are causing you to sell out the best interests of those you serve, it's time to move on. Otherwise, it's time to have integrity and do what you said you would do. It's simple really.

We gave you your power, please don't forget that.

BLOG-IN! SPEAK OUT! Parents Send a Letter To Washington

* Today, across the web, bloggers will be simultaneously posting this letter as a new form of democratic protest called the Blog-In. I am just one of many. Click here to see a full list of the writers participating. (Our hashtag on Twitter is #BlogIn2011.)

a loving universe

2011-11-07T12:18:00.004-05:00

I sometimes read my horoscope. There - I said it. I find it a bit embarrassing that I turn to horoscopes like a crystal ball when I'm stressed about something, but I do.
Anyway...here's part of what it said...not what I was worried about, but so very nice...about the nicest thing I could imagine reading:

If you have children, you will see them protected and cared for by a loving universe. You need not worry about your children!

"protected and cared for by a loving universe" - isn't that just the best?

if a pumpkin had a home birth

2011-10-27T11:19:00.003-04:00

love it! another facebook share, originally created and posted by Blessed Birth Doula

snippet of motherhood: speaking of Land Sharks

2011-10-26T22:02:00.004-04:00

Tonight I had to go to the mall (a sad visit to the Genius Bar at the Apple store; RIP family computer hard drive) and I passed the Pottery Barn Kids store...outrageously expensive Halloween costumes were in the window and there was a sale! I felt excited for a split second until I remembered that even my youngest, at 7, is too old for the adorable creatures they were offering...only spooky, preferably bloody, will do around here. sigh...

(picture of a PBK costume)

when pumpkins give birth

2011-10-26T20:01:00.003-04:00

Saw this on a facebook page for a band, "ZOMBIE! Real Horror Rock!"... maybe go and like their page!

Ten years ago

2011-09-11T03:01:00.008-04:00

I was still home. Recently back from maternity leave (and suffering from more than a little postpartum something or other), I was sitting on our bed, pumping breast milk for my son before heading into the city for a meeting. I turned on the news to check weather etc., trying to figure out which of the three things in my wardrobe that fit would be best to wear. They were reporting that a small plane had hit one of the towers...there was some smoke, but they said it was likely a private plane, an accident. Maybe because my dad flew small planes when I was a kid, I thought, "you would have to be an idiot to accidentally hit a skyscraper, maybe the pilot had a heart attack or something - sad - but damn...I bet there will be delays and the city will be a nightmare today"...I feel so bad that that was my reaction...so selfish.
Then, of course, the TV showed the second plane hit, live, and for a crazy second I thought, "wow - what a horrible coincidence...is there a problem with air traffic control??"...
I ran and told my husband (who would normally be at work downtown, but the kids had a pediatrician appointment and I'd asked him to go in late so I could make my meeting; he couldn't get back into his office for quite a bit after) to turn on the TV. Then I called my parents, in an earlier time zone, and told them to turn on the TV, that we were ok. I remember my mom saying, "oh, God...we're going to war over this". She was right, of course.

Because denial was part of the equation, I called my boss to ask if the meeting was still on (!) and she was freaking out...colleagues (not people I worked with closely) had been on one of the planes and people in our office (a high floor of a building adjacent to Grand Central, so that was a concern too) had kids at a church preschool down by the towers (the kids were ok) and they couldn't get through, of course, and for some reason there was no way for them to get TV or radio and I remember putting on WNYC and they listened over speaker phone for a long time.

Later, after the towers fell, we went and got our oldest from preschool. I regret that the TV was on for a long time before we realized our son was seeing the horrible images on a loop. We were sort of hypnotized watching... At some point, I ran into my town... not sure what I was thinking, but I bought emergency supplies, like for a blizzard. A stranger asked what she should buy and I told her what I was buying and she said she would do the same...she was so afraid. I saw a friend who had made it back from downtown...she worked at the towers but had been running late...she hadn't gotten to work yet, thankfully. She was so shaken but was buying food for all the strangers who had followed her home...people who didn't even live in NJ but ended up here just to get out. While I was in the store, people were either kind of zoned out or panicky and were exclaiming, "they just bombed the Sears Tower" and all the other rumors that were circulating. I ran to the bank and withdrew cash then went and got gas...for what? Where would we go?
I couldn't sit still at home, so we all packed up and went to donate blood with so many others. We waited for a few hours, sure that we would help save lives. If only.

Later, I was so aware of the quiet...no planes. And the blue, blue perfect sky, marred only by the smell of smoke, but more than smoke...
That evening neighbors came out into the street...was it that night we lit candles? I can't remember. People gathered and were kind, seeking connection and trying to process.

I feel guilty for feeling so sad when nothing actually happened to me. Sure, I know people who lost someone, preschool parents were lost, but we were ok. I do know that i changed my life partly because of that day...quit the law and became a doula, sort of a rebirth, but if I could turn back time, I would.

I hope you are with people you love, doing something you love today. Remembering however feels right. Maybe it will be another beautiful blue sky day.

add this to your hospital bag

2011-09-06T22:01:00.002-04:00

At a birth this week (I know...where are those baby announcements...I'm months behind...but this baby does not yet have a name, so I'm waiting...), the couple brought with them something simple yet brilliant:

a power strip! With all the cell phones, laptops, music sources etc., it was so very helpful.

FREE Sling offer from Seven Everyday Slings

2011-07-30T10:06:00.003-04:00

offer for a FREE sling
(current code is "breastfeeding"; you pay S&H)
www.sevenslings.com
Sling highly recommended by a client!

Holistic Moms meeting: Essex County, NJ

2011-06-14T21:10:00.002-04:00

Passing this along...

this month's Holistic Moms of Essex County meeting:

Vaccines: Making an Informed Decision

Join us as Maureen Drummond, the former co-leader of the NJ Coalition for Vaccination Choice, shares information on vaccine ingredients and their impact on the body. She has been an advocate and activist for full disclosure and informed consent on all matters concerning vaccination for the last 18 years.

The meeting will be on Monday June 27th at 6:30 pm. We will meet at Maplewood Memorial Library at 51 Baker Street in Maplewood.

**Please note the change in time and location for this month's meeting**

Welcome Joseph Thomas

2011-05-19T21:01:00.003-04:00

Born very early this morning, just before 1 AM, May 19 and weighing 6lb 10oz.

Joseph...Wowee...you sure took your time...days of practice contractions and then more than 24hrs of active labor while a big storm raged outside. Your parents were amazing...so prepared, knowing exactly what they wanted (and got)...all natural, very focused and calm. Your momma may have shifted some walls while in labor with you - she leaned and pushed and pushed on them for most of your labor! She's tough! Your folks never lost their cool and remained so happy and unassuming that it seemed everyone at the hospital was kind of giddy.
When it came time for you to be born, it was your daddy, with the midwife's guidance, who caught you and gave you straight to your momma. You were also very calm and alert and took it all in.

Welcome, baby boy!

Welcome, Luke Robert

2011-05-10T19:56:00.003-04:00

How are these for cool stats: born at 7:47am weighing 7lb 11oz! An earlier than expected birthday with a fast and furious labor punctuated by a LONG transition of being *almost* there! But once you came out, you were calm as could be, with your full head of hair and bright eyes just taking it all in.

Your momma thought through everything and knew just what she needed to get you here. Your daddy was solid in his support, reminding her of her priorities along the way.

Enjoy your big brother, Owen...you will need to start working on your golf swing (and most other sports) now if you are to give him any competition... I bet you guys are going to have a blast! Both of you born on Tuesday...full of grace.

Welcome to the world, lovey.

lovely

2011-04-29T23:55:00.004-04:00

from a story in People, Victoria's Secret model, Miranda Kerr, nursing her son Flynn (actor Orlando Bloom is the dad) while on a work break...I appreciate her putting this out there...

Welcom Vivian Claire

2011-04-28T16:50:00.006-04:00

What an honor to share my birthday with such a beauty! Vivian Claire swam into this side of the world today at 1:35pm weighing 8lb, with perfect eyebrows and the ability to make labor monitors stop working, just like her big sister!

Vivian, after a slow but consistent start to labor through the night, your momma was a rockstar! ...a fun, leisurely morning at home with a pre-storm breeze blowing through the open windows and lovely music playing, old-school, on the turntable. Then a drive through a crazy storm - your momma said she was born during a huge storm as well. She was almost ready to push by the time we got to the hospital, leaving just enough time for the tub to fill. Three pushes and you were out, winking at us. Your daddy cut the cord and never left your momma's side. I think you will always be the youngest in your family, but I wouldn't mind if your folks had about 10 more babies because they are so wonderful!

Best birthday ever! ...happy birth day to you! xoxo

welcome Joyce Elizabeth

2011-04-27T15:30:00.004-04:00

belated once again! Born Saturday, 4/23/11 at 6:03pm, weighing 7lb 13oz at 20 3/4" long with LOTS of lovely hair.

"Saturday's child must work hard for a living" and so must her momma work for that child's birth, apparently...

Joyce, your mom worked so very hard, manifesting patience like almost none I've seen. Contractions that wouldn't quite "catch" to become labor started late Sunday night the weekend before you were born and continued almost constantly every day and night, with only a few naps along the way. We walked and lunged, did stairs two at a time, downward dogged, child's posed, soaked, showered, massaged, prayed and all sorts of other things. We even played some card games (I believe your mom won - I know I sure didn't). All the while, your momma cheered on every other baby being born while she was waiting for you to arrive, never losing her good cheer or kindness.

If their dedication to laboring is any indication of how they will be as parents, you hit the parent jackpot! And as an added bonus, they will be able to help you with your math homework (maybe they will help my kids too?? ;-)

Welcome, baby Joyce!

Welcome Townes Danger

2011-04-23T12:12:00.007-04:00

That's right, just like his professional dare devil daddy (figuratively), Danger is his middle name (literally)! Love it!

I'm a bit belated because of other laboring mommas, but Townes joined us earth-side on Wednesday, April 20 at 10:36pm and weighed 9pm 14oz, 22" long with some serious hands on him...in short, he's perfect!

Townes, what a rockin birth you had! Family galore from far and wide and jokes and stories that even the doctor took part in. Let's just say it's good that you weren't a girl named Mary Jane! Your momma was so strong and determined and your daddy was right there every step of the way doing just what was needed. The "Push Power Mix" didn't hurt either..."Eye Of The Tiger" to inspire and "Home" with your youngest auntie singing along to call you here. Your parents were such a pleasure that nurses and residents and medical students all wanted to help you get here. Because of your birth, there is one young doctor who may be changing his specialty to obstetrics...I saw him on his way out that night and he was walking on clouds...you helped do that - your birth may make it better for countless babies and mommas in the future.

I can only imagine how fun life is going to be for you because your parents are filled with joy and you have an abundance of aunts, family and friends who are going to surround you with even more love...and really, really good pizza.

Welcome, big boy. I don't know if the world is ready for you but I know you are ready for it. Big hugs to all. XO

But April Fools is over!

2011-04-23T12:03:00.002-04:00

I can't imagine the time difference is that great between here and Europe, so I don't think this is a joke...the EU has ruled that formula makers can claim that their artificial milk is just a healthy as breast milk. Enough with the dark ages...I'm ready for a renaissance already. Read all it about it here.

the power of motherhood

2011-04-18T19:31:00.003-04:00

feast your eyes on the lovely Ruah Bhay and her handsome boy...love it! If you are in NYC, check her out her amazing yoga classes.

perspective, baby, perspective

2011-04-16T14:58:00.009-04:00

I have a good friend with several kids, all born by cesarean. She told me many years ago to remember that not every woman is troubled by not having given birth vaginally. She is one of them - totally pleased with the birth stories of her beautiful children. It seems obvious on it's face, but I was happy for the reminder and recall it frequently...we just can't assume or put people in boxes.

Recently she introduced me to a child as someone who, "helps take babies out of mommies tummies". I didn't correct her, for that is her truth.

*the above image, entitled "First Kiss", is by artist, doula & mother, Amy Swagman. It, and other art, can be purchased in support of ICAN this month for Cesarean Awareness Month

A Mother's Prayer...from Tina Fey's book

2011-04-14T22:52:00.003-04:00

ok - I'm re-posting this...I don't have daughters but I love this and now want to read the book, Bossypants.

The Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,
May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half
And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes. And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.
Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,
For Childhood is short- a Tiger Flower blooming magenta for one day-
And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,
That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers
And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,
Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,
For I will not have that ****. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,
That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted,
bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.
“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.
“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

close to home: potentially fatal placental abnormality due in large part to previous cesareans

2011-04-13T19:25:00.005-04:00

A still-rare (3/1000 births) but once incredibly rare (0.8/1000 before the rise in cesareans) and very serious placental complication, placenta accreta, is linked to having had previous cesarean(s). Because NJ, my home state, has the highest cesarean rate in the nation (for the 13th year in a row), one can extrapolate that we likely have the highest accreta rate as well. Here's a sobering story about a family in my town...

"We were making preparations for death," DeLeon-George, of South Orange, says now. "We grappled with a lot. There were a lot of what-ifs."

DeLeon-George had a rare condition. The placenta growing inside her was attached to scar tissue on the wall of her uterus from four previous Caesarean sections, forming its own extensive network of blood vessels, likely leading to massive bleeding — two units per minute — just as her youngest daughter Hannah was coming into the world. Essentially, the placenta, a life-giving organ for the unborn child, had become like a dangerous growth and had to be carefully extracted.

DeLeon-George’s problem is still a rare one for mothers-to-be, but doctors say as the rate of C-sections continues to increase, it’s apt to become more common. Called placenta accreta, it’s a disorder by which a placenta attaches to a previous C-section scar, and grows at an uncontrolled rate into vital organs such as the bladder, endangering the life of the mother.

Golden Birthday

2011-04-07T16:33:00.005-04:00

So my baby boy is 7 on the 7th today...his lucky year. And seven is such a watershed year anyway...it is said by some that every seven years our cells complete a cycle of change and we transform a bit...

He's not someone who has self esteem issues so far! At this moment, he's in the other room making himself a crown to wear. When he told me that the entire cafeteria sang to him at lunch, I asked if it was cool or embarrassing, he said it was awesome! He's very specific about what he wants...for instance, he asked for Chinese food for breakfast (so we ordered it last night), a cake that is not chocolate or ice cream, to eat at "the place where they cook in front of you" (Japanese hibache), the game "Jenga" are what we have heard so far, though his ideas keep coming.

I do love him so...

seven years ago tonight

2011-04-06T21:26:00.003-04:00

I was in labor for the last time...by baby turns 7 tomorrow! Six sounded so much older than five and seven sounds practically ancient.
Tonight I will tell him his homebirth story and put my boy to bed for his last sleep as a six year old!

snippet of motherhood: not my mother's dinnertime

2011-04-05T18:57:00.009-04:00

When I was growing up, my mom always said she would never make more than one thing for dinner like (fill in the blank of whomever was the object of ridicule on this topic)...

Well ya know what? I was an only child. In my house, it's pretty much a guarantee that at least one person in my family won't like what's for dinner. I don't necessarily make them something else, but I rarely make them eat something they really don't like (save for something green). I encourage "no thank you" bites if it's something new they are reticent to try. I certainly don't make them sit at the table long after dinner is over in order to choke down some canned beets or overcooked frozen veggies with now-warm milk. (But I'm not bitter...)

Tonight's affront:
salmon, steamed artichokes with butter and lemon, baked sweet potatoes and spinach salad for dinner (and, as luck would have it, an alternate offer of pasta primavera with chicken)...middle son said he would like a pizza bagel (& an artichoke).
There's always one. sigh.

It's no wonder some people feed their dogs from the table...they are grateful for anything you give them!

April is Cesarean Awareness Month

2011-04-04T20:34:00.004-04:00

Sadly, "32.9% of Births Resulting In Major Abdominal Surgery; 13th Consecutive Year to Show Increase"...read about it on the ICAN site

Hopefully ACOG's reversal of their prior position against VBAC will stem the tide. But we must prevent unnecessary primary cesareans whenever possible.

If you are pregnant, considering getting pregnant or know someone who is, consider downloading "What Every Pregnant Woman Needs To Know About Cesarean Section" (2006, revised) The numbers are worse now, but still good information.

Happy

2011-04-01T09:47:00.001-04:00

Anniversary to the mister...16 April Fools days ago we were wed!

welcome Xavier Erwin

2011-03-31T18:34:00.003-04:00

Born via a powerful, all natural VBAC at 4:42p today, weighing 8lb 7oz, and 21" long...your parents should be so very proud...your daddy was a wonderful support (we got our own squat workout today with your labor!) and your momma did tireless research and homework to make this birth what she wanted it to be. She was so in her own zone, doing all that needed to be done to bring you into this world. Thank you for cooperating, Xavier! And have fun with all your grandparents and especially your big brother Jack!

Happy birthday (not April Fools!)

cue the circus music...

2011-03-31T08:43:00.002-04:00

...'cause I need to do some major juggling. Such is the life of a doula who happens to be the mom of three (or the other way around, I suppose)...who is also hosting a playdate and has to pickup from afterschool activities. And make sure the dog goes out. And there is some food to eat. Feels a bit like a game of poker...depending on which card is dealt next, everything could go perfectly smoothly (and I'm not even talking about the labor) or not...ah, adrenaline....guess I won't have that second cup of coffee!

*hey - is that a birth ball on which the circus performer is standing? ;-)

ties that bind

2011-03-30T16:47:00.003-04:00

I am cooking and realized well into the recipe that I had forgotten an ingredient. I ran to the store close to my house...and proceeded to bump into many people I know, most of whom I know because I was there when their babies were born. So satisfying to get to see baby cheeks give way to big girl teeth or learn that a big boy can now put on a jacket by himself...so sweet to see weariness turn to ease in these now-experienced mothers. A true blessing.

Birth Plans, part 2

2011-03-29T16:45:00.009-04:00

A reader comment from yesterday's post made me realize that I wanted to cover a bit more about birth plans and hospital birth in general.

She wrote:

I think that this whole "birth plan" era has also unfortunately ushered in a huge amount of antagonism between patients & nurses, which is just SO upsetting to me (as a nurse). Believe it or not, we WANT you to have the birth that you want, but sometimes things just don't go the way they are "planned." Welcome to parenthood, that's your first lesson that kids never stick to the plan!

Sometimes people have the impression that giving or receiving a birth plan is an opportunity for scorn and eye rolling. It certainly can be...I have clients ask me all the time if they will be annoying the staff with a birth plan. I've also heard care providers jokingly speculate that the people with the longest birth plans are the ones who get cesareans...and the implication is that it's all their own fault. I hate to hear this...the people saying it just have not met the right kind of birth plans (and the mindset that goes with them)! Just as I think birthing women should not be dogmatic, I would love it if care providers also took responsibility for not mentally penalizing people for their earnestness.

A big part of the equation that usually can't be planned for is the luck of the draw with the assigned nurse. Sure, some nurses can be invested in women having as few needs as possible, in them being quiet or not "suffering". However, I find that most nurses (and everyone really) can get on board with a just about any birth plan if they are approached from a place of respect and acknowledgment that they are there to help. Find your inner Dale Carngie: "We prefer that you don't offer us medication, but we sure would love some ice chips and another pillow!" or consider saying, "Here's what we would prefer/what is important to us...can you help us with that?". Most people are decent human beings.

When there is an adversarial approach, it is likely caused, in part, when people are not well matched with the care providers/birth place (you know what they say about not going to a fast food restaurant if it's fine dining you are after). But also when people are coming from a place of fundamental distrust. There is this fine balance, I think, between being prepared to advocate for yourself (as well you should) and going in looking for a fight. 'Cause if you look for a fight, you are more likely to find one. Hostility is not going to help anyone, including the birthing woman, who will surely need to be able to trust and surrender. An atmosphere of distrust or upset can actually stop labor from progressing...those stress hormones are like kryptonite to the hormones that progress labor.

Instead, iron out as many details before you go into labor and make sure you are comfortable with the answers you are getting from all your care providers. Ask what is typical, where there is wiggle room, under what sorts of circumstances interventions might be typical. Consider hiring a doula. Labor at home for a good long time if you can. And, as I have written before, picture your care provider telling you you need an intervention you really don't want...in your gut, do you trust them? If the answer is no, if you are finding that you are still anticipating an uphill battle, make peace with the fact that you may be with the wrong practice or planning to birth at the wrong place for you and then do something about it.

Again, I'm not suggesting you jump on a conveyor belt of unwanted interventions...I'm suggesting you find out whether the conveyor belt is there at all before you get there and then respectfully pick you battles.

Save The Bees

2011-03-29T16:24:00.011-04:00

Today I got to help at my youngest son's school...a bee keeper came and taught them about the importance of honey bees - we learned so much and even got to taste honey and make beeswax candles!...so much fun!
Note to pregnant mommas: the darker Buckwheat honey is delicious (a bit more like molasses) and has higher amounts of iron than lighter colored honey!

my dad's response: Earth's Rotation

2011-03-28T19:06:00.002-04:00

Here is my dad's reply to my blog yesterday about his teaching.

I do (remember)…that was a big scientific breakthrough moment for us (both of us). For one thing it created the understanding of how our solar system functions, but it also taught me the value of creating simple training aids to enhance the learning/understanding process of a person trying to grasp a concept, thereby making the teaching process easier and more valuable. That principle stood me in good stead later when I was instructing skydiving and computer training.

Love,

Dad

Birth "plans"

2011-03-28T17:48:00.008-04:00

I spent last night and then again this morning reviewing an incredibly lovely client's birth plan. Um - it shouldn't take that long. And it should fit on one page. No one else (in a hospital birth at least, which is who this post mostly concerns) is going to really read it if it's way too long or complicated. They don't want or need a preamble. Make it easy for them - think bullet points. And know that they can't really sign off on incredibly specific requirements...sure, you'd like a heplock (if medically necessary) in your left hand if you are right handed, but what if they can't find a vein there? See where I'm going with this? Not for nothin', but I think sometimes some childbirth educators or resources out there can get hung up on dogma and end up doing a disservice to people who might expect that all they have to do is show up with the plan. It's not that simple...birth happens within the culture of our society and of individual institutions (unless you are having a home birth) and practices. So it behooves you to approach that micro-culture in a way it can understand most easily. And do your homework before you go into labor to make sure you are with the right care provider and birth place for the type of birth you want.

Don't get me wrong - I think the exercise is very valuable for the woman/couple. I consider it part of my job as a doula and childbirth educator to make sure people understand their options and know what will typically happen if they do not express a preference. The process is important (for those who want it) even if "the plan" never sees the light of day. It's also a great jumping off point from which to have a discussion with your care provider.

But a potential downside is that sometimes women and couples think that it is somehow a binding document or that it can be the end of the discussion with their care provider. I know that's what I thought when I was pregnant with my first. For some wacky reason, my care provider (an OB) actually signed my birth plan, complete with preamble. I was an attorney at the time - I thought we were set (and as it turns out, we were - everything cooperated). But what about the others in the practice? What if my birth hadn't gone the way it did? I think I would have been upset - we had a deal, right? And yet plans have to be flexible...if I am taking a trip and plan to take the very scenic and lovely Road X, but Road X is under construction, I need to find a way around it. I'm not talking about caving to every intervention thrown at you - not at all! I'm simply saying that you need to have an understanding of what you are getting or giving up with your choices and when trading in one preference might, in the big picture, keep you more on track with where you want to go and how, generally, you want to get there. I'm talking about avoiding bigger interventions.

I prefer the idea of "Birth Preferences" because that's what they are. And I suggest that instead of just one big talk, there be a continued mentioning of preferences at all subsequent appointments, just to keep reminding them who you are and what's important to you (there are a lot more "yous" than there are of "them", as in other patients). I also suggest that you consider making the receptionist aware that extra time is needed at the appointment where you intend to have the initial birth plan talk. Nothing like trying to be heard and having your care provider looking at the clock or having her hand on the door handle (though if that's the case, it might be time to consider a new practice!).

So when I am faced with an incredibly detailed birth plan, I know it's time for a talk about big picture. It may be that every item can be adhered to with no issue. But what if someone is dead set against an IV and then vomits for hours and labor stalls due to dehydration? Sometimes a little intervention can save a bigger intervention. That's why they are preferences. It's good, I think, to always consider what the next best thing is too...

snippet of motherhood: overheard

2011-03-28T17:40:00.003-04:00

my first grader asked if he could have a playdate with a girl in his class...he's been asking for this for awhile. We located the class directory and I gave him the phone.

"OK everybody," (it was really only me there)
"Be quiet - I have a call to make. (takes a deep breath)...OK - let's do this thing!"

Does my baby like a girl??

Earth's rotation

2011-03-27T20:33:00.003-04:00

Dear Dad,
Do you remember teaching me this? I remember like yesterday...you put an orange on a pencil (tilted on it's axis, naturally) & then rotated it around the hanging hotel light fixture (that looked a bit like Saturn, actually)...and I got it.

I just did the same for E...only it was a cherry tomato on a chop stick around a seltzer bottle. The moon was played by a smaller bottle. He completely understands now.

Thanks (again).

xo,
K

belated welcome: Kara Grace

2011-03-27T18:53:00.003-04:00

Apologies for not posting sooner, baby Kara Grace. Outside the three walls of glass on your birthday (March 13, NYC) morning, the whole city woke up to greet you. Welcome, beautiful girl - the world is out there waiting for you! Congratulations to you momma and poppa.

snippet of motherhood: complete recovery or "For Whom The Bell Tolls"

2011-03-27T18:29:00.008-04:00

So the boy came through his surgery with flying colors. The recovery was actually a bit trickier than I imagined (not sure why that is - every mom who had btdt warned me!) but was also sort of nice. Firstly, my dad flew in to help (which we all loved), so I was able to get out to the gym and make daily runs for new ice cream flavors and foods that might be ok to grind up...though we discovered during the second week that soft scrambled eggs were like manna from the gods...a bit tough to say goodbye to egg friends though.

Mostly we stuck close to home and I was needed as a mom in a way I had not been needed in a long time. We actually had a middle-of-the-night cuddle sitting in the steamy bathroom with the shower running in order to sooth his throat. Either my lap has gotten smaller (not freaking likely) or the boy has gotten WAY bigger since last we did that.

Since his voice was so tiny and it hurt to talk, I gave him a bell to ring when he needed something. It was the very same bell I had used as a sick kid - I think my mom had gotten it at the mission in Carmel, CA where she grew up (I might be making up a more romantic heritage of this bell, but it makes me feel good to think that - and I think my dad liked the idea too). The kid enjoyed using the bell a little too much, if you know what I mean. I considered using rollerskates for a few days there.

So fast-forward to yesterday - the post-op doctor appointment at which he got the all-clear. On the way to the car, he said,

"Mom, it doesn't have to be over...we could just pretend that I'm still getting better. I can keep using the bell at least, right?"

snippet of motherhood: go green

2011-03-18T19:41:00.003-04:00

I imagine most children are not chastened by the threat, "stop it now or no artichoke for you"...but mine are!

west coast mommas & babies - precaution

2011-03-17T21:14:00.004-04:00

In a fantastic blog post by a CA midwife about Japan, there is this bit of interesting/useful information for those who are concerned for themselves and their families on the west coast of the US (in particular):

....the general scientific consensus is that we on the West Coast will be "safe" from radioactive contamination. HOWEVER, since the jet stream is carrying everything toward us from Japan, it might be wise to feed your family superfoods that are radiation-protective. Especially if you are pregnant, or have young children, please check out the following links, and add miso, kelp, nettle tea, and the other mentioned plants and superfoods to your diets for the next several weeks, as things "fall out". Here is Susan Weed http://www.wisewomantradition.com/wisewomanweb/2010/11/surviving-radiation-the-wise-woman-way.html
and here is another excellent one from Christian Bates http://christianbates.com/?p=748

snippet of motherhood: surgery eve

2011-03-11T00:07:00.004-05:00

So tomorrow my youngest, 6, will go in and have his tonsils and adenoids removed. Removed. I find I'm a tiny bit disturbed that a tiny bit of my baby will be cut out and thrown away...they are parts that are no longer serving him well, but they are still little bits of his body. And the anesthesia...oy.
Gonna be a long day.

welcome, Devin Michel

2011-03-10T23:59:00.006-05:00

This 8lb 4 oz baby boy was born last night (March 9, 2011, and I am recovered after his long, long labor and birth!) after his momma literally wiggled him out - coolest thing ever!! Congrats to this family - boy, did we laugh in spite of the days of on and off labor and then the aforementioned long labor and birth...Devin, your fine parents never lost their senses of humor and wonder...and I think those are some pretty good qualities for parents!!

By the way, beautiful boy...I don't expect you'll remember, but we had a moment, you and I. You looked right into my eyes and held them for a bit and it made me cry...I don't cry at every birth and I didn't even cry when you were born - this was after. The enormity of being there and staring into the eyes of a baby who is only a few minutes old but looking so very wise reminded me how lucky I am to do what I do, so thank you for that.

Welcome.

ps: tell your momma to start playing the oboe again...she got lots of practice showing us how it's done! ;-)

worth repeating

2011-03-06T20:50:00.002-05:00

No need to convince those of us interested in maternity care...but to the average American, this article in a PA paper is needed information:

One of the biggest opportunities for reducing health care costs is improving the quality of maternity care. For most businesses, childbirth and newborn care is the largest or second largest (after heart care) category of hospital expenditures, and it's by far the largest category of hospital expenditures for state Medicaid programs. So even small improvements can result in large savings.

The place to start is with the most common hospital procedure in America -- the cesarean section. A C-section is a surgical delivery of a baby, rather than a normal, vaginal delivery. Not only does a C-section typically cost twice as much as a vaginal delivery, it is more likely to result in infections, injuries and other complications for both mothers and babies.

Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11065/1129785-432.stm#ixzz1FsH1Rtav

not winning

2011-03-06T19:45:00.004-05:00

Parents don't have to try to be perfect, but they do have to try to be better for the sake of their children. Yes, I'm afraid I'm talking Charlie Sheen but also anyone who is a parent and having a hard time. Dude - your kids are going to see all this. For the love of them, get help privately and stop using talk shows as your own personal confessional.

As for the rest of us, mental illness is not funny to watch...I get that it's hard to look away from the train wreck, but that's what I have been doing for the most part on this whole thing...it's just disturbing and there are worthier topics that should be dominating the news and captivating our country...like Wisconsin. Or Georgia.

And I'm not being holier-than-thou...I watch plenty of bad TV. But I don't wish to contribute life energy to watching a man implode on camera, preserving it forever for his children to watch for the rest of their lives. Sad.

Welcome Taylor Paige

2011-03-04T20:23:00.003-05:00

Born this evening, March 4, 2011 at 6:26pm after days if not weeks of practice contractions but only a few hours of labor...your momma and daddy made it look easy - both were calm and cool - excited but zen. Enjoy your big sister, baby girl - happy birth day!

NJ La Leche League conference

2011-02-17T10:20:00.000-05:00

La Leche League of the Garden State is pleased to announce that registration for the April 1-3, 2011 breastfeeding and parenting conference is now open!

Please go to www.LLLGardenState.com toregister. You may download a registration form and return it with a check or you may register online with PayPal.

Members receive a coupon code for a $5 discount. Contact one of our Leaders for the code or to become a member.

The conference, with Mary Ann Cahill, Diane Wiessinger, Diana West, Lu Hanessian and many others, promises to be fantastic! We hope to see you there!

Please contact the conference workgroup at GSANConference@gmail.com if you have any questions about the conference or registration. Or feel free to call any of the leaders for information.

slide on down to the end of the table

2011-02-17T09:41:00.002-05:00

as seen on Facebook...love this!

happy groundhog day!

2011-02-02T19:31:00.004-05:00

I love that my doula (now midwife) from my first birth (that son is now 13) sends out Groundhog Day greetings...and that I'm still on the list...
This was the first year they were not handmade little cards...technology does make staying in touch so much easier though - I don't blame her. It's just a happy little reminder of just about the biggest event in my life...the experience helped shape me and is, in large part, why I do what I do now. Thanks Chris!

The picture she included is the one at the top & here's the quote:

As the light grows longer The cold grows stronger If Candlemas be fair and bright Winter will have another flight If Candlemas be cloud and rain Winter will be gone and not come again A farmer should on Candlemas day Have half his corn and half his hay On Candlemas day if thorns hang a drop You can be sure of a good pea crop –

weather and babies

2011-02-01T17:30:00.002-05:00

message to all babies - hang in there...let the storms pass and life settle back to normal...please?

But we know some babies will be born - but really, anyone who must travel in super bad weather - this was what I just posted on facebook:

dear midwives, doulas & imminently expectant parents...

the National Weather Service advises (in all caps - sorry - that's theirs):
IF YOU MUST TRAVEL...KEEP AN EXTRA FLASHLIGHT...FOOD...AND WATER IN YOUR VEHICLE IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY. I would add: a blanket and a well-charged cell phone and appropriate clothing/footwear.

Stay safe, everyone.

snippet of motherhood: technology and parenting

2011-01-24T19:23:00.006-05:00

Today was a nutty day. I was just about to pick my oldest up from school early for an appointment when the school nurse for the youngest called saying he seemed fine but had come back for a second time today saying it hurt to swallow. No fever, good mood, just a red throat. So I scooped him up and made an appointment with the pediatrician just to rule out strep, which has been making the rounds amongst our friends. I called the middle son's school to send a message to him not to wait for his little brother and to come on home.

So now my youngest is with me to get his oldest brother at school and take him to the eye doctor. Diagnosis: quite nearsighted! He's a boy who knows what he likes and he didn't like the glasses the eye doctor had to offer. I've learned my lesson about strong-arming him into accepting things he doesn't really like/want...So we squeezed in a quick trip to a cooler glasses place and found a perfect pair (ca-ching!)...then we dropped him (oldest) at dentist and raced to the pediatrician who was not able to rule out strep because, in spite of him seeming well and not even looking like strep, he actually has a very bad case. Sigh...pick up oldest at dentist, head to pharmacy to drop Rx, head to market to buy groceries while waiting for prescription (since we will be home bound tomorrow - which reminds me, must call school and report strep & absence tomorrow...). Then picked up medicine and a few little treats and soup.

So what does this have to do with technology? Well, to keep him occupied at the eye doctor and again while waiting for the pediatrician, I allowed my youngest to play a game (Fruit Ninja? I guess my oldest loaded it because I sure didn't) on my iPad and now he's obsessed with wanting to play with it again. Here was his attempt:

him: "Mom - I was just talking with your old laptop...he's lonely. He really misses you. Maybe you should spend some time with him instead of your iPad tonight!"

me: "I don't think my laptop is a boy".

Crafty boy...I may just let him play with it as a reward for his creativity!

Welcome Olivia Jane!

2011-01-22T22:27:00.001-05:00

You took you time and your momma and daddy hung in there...working so hard for you and here you are...welcome beautiful girl!

swap a doula story for a chance to win natural hand cream

2011-01-20T22:11:00.003-05:00

Check out the blog post at Birth A Miracle Services...
the instructions are there...the cream sounds nice:

be entered in a drawing for my homemade, natural hand cream made from herbs I’ve grown. It works great for all sorts of maladies. Dry, cracked hands or feet? Diaper rash? Other skin rashes? Stretch marks? This cream takes care of it all. I use it for my family, and I want to pass on a jar of it to the lucky winner!

Guerrila Midwife

2011-01-19T20:36:00.004-05:00

There will be a special showing of this film this coming Sunday in NJ...though not open to the public, it's certainly open to wise women whom I have served or will serve as doula...please be in touch if you want more information! Also, there will be in attendance one or more fantastic home birth midwifes from the area.
Our hope is that we can get it shown at a local film festival this year...

Create community, craft stories and share the vision of gentle birth healing mother earth.Wine & cheese & film screening of 90 minute movie, "Guerilla Midwife" of beautiful midwife, Robin Lim.Sunday, Jan. 23, 2011, 4 pm- 7 pmin Montlcair

Bumi Sehat Foundation International

www.bumisehatbali.org

Gentle Birth Heals Mother Earth! Founded in 1995, Yayasan Bumi Sehat (Healthy Mother Earth Foundation) is a non-profit, village-based organization of dedicated families, midwives, doctors, nurses, teachers and volunteers from Indonesia and other countries around the world.

snippet of motherhood part 2...you have got to be kidding me!

2011-01-19T20:16:00.007-05:00

I just caught my oldest, 13, about to snowboard down a ramp he created in the backyard...made from my teak outdoor FURNITURE!

It should also be noted that he was wearing shorts (boxer shorts maybe?) and a tshirt and snowboarding boots...no pants, no jacket, no helmet...sigh

me: "are you insane? stop immediately and put everything back right now!"

him: "it's fine - stop freaking out"

me: "it's so NOT fine...never do this again"

him: "well, I guess I can never have ANY fun around here!"

me: "I guess not"

him: "will you finally take me to Home Depot so I can get PVC pipe and build a rail then??"

me: ...silence and deep breaths...

(the above photo is, thankfully, not in my yard or that of anyone I know!)

snippet of motherhood: thank goodness!

2011-01-19T19:49:00.003-05:00

Tonight at dinner...

my 6yo: "on my next birthday, I want a machete..."

me: "um..."

my 6yo: "...but not the knife kind. I want the little pieces of paper-cut up-that explode-at a party kind of machete"

me: "could you mean confetti??"

my 6yo: " oh - yeah...confetti! That's what I want - confetti."

whew!

babies!

2011-01-19T19:48:00.002-05:00

Oops - I missed posting about two recent babies...two boys, both with warriors for mommas! Marathon births both...congrats to all!

Welcome baby

2011-01-03T18:40:00.003-05:00

Georgia Teresa...we thought you would be born on New Year's Eve, but that's So last decade! We thought you would be born on New Year's Day but maybe prime numbers are not your thing...so yesterday, 1/2/11, was your day. You were worth the wait...all 6lbs 11inches of you is beautiful. Many blessings to your momma, who worked so hard and was a warrior and to your daddy, who wept with joy when he saw you. I know you will be so loved by your big sisters and Gordy the dog too! (not to mention the camera...not many babies look right into the lens for their close-up!)
Welcome to the world, little Georgia Teresa...

(out with the old) In with the new!

2011-01-01T10:51:00.003-05:00

Happy 2011!

(shout out to baby Gabe, above, born 2010!...let's hope his image here gives a certain baby girl we are waiting on some ideas...I hope to have a baby announcement sometime today or tonight!)

Don't Ask Don't Tell

2010-12-22T16:10:00.001-05:00

Yay! It's officially no longer the policy of our military...
now to tackle that other "Don't Ask Don't Tell" - eating & drinking in labor at a hospital

Is my baby getting enough milk? (1 of 4)

2010-12-13T22:41:00.000-05:00

Snippet of motherhood: do the right thing

2010-12-13T20:23:00.006-05:00

Today my 6yo asked to speak with me in private. He was very serious.
With tears in his eyes, he started to talk.

Apparently a little toy animal from a vacation bible school (he attended a few days this summer) "fell into his pocket"and he's been sweating it ever since...he was afraid he would be in trouble for this "accident" and is sure that the teacher has probably thought of nothing else since. He wanted me to return the toy but didn't want to go himself.

I told him that he was doing the right thing talking to me & should have done so sooner (he admitted he felt better) but that he wouldn't have such a bad feeling if it was truly an accident and that to really do the right thing & feel even better, he needed to tell me how the toy got into his pocket. He clung to his story for a bit but then he confessed. And I told him that likely that teacher would not even be there when we go, but nevertheless, he needs to be the one to say what happened and that he will certainly be in the right place for people appreciating someone being moved to do what is right, even if they did something wrong to begin with. So now I have to figure out when the church is open so we can make amends.

Good times.

make a difference

2010-12-13T10:06:00.003-05:00

The biggest thing you can do today is a small act of kindness

-Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, NJ

Mayor Booker was on the radio and told a story about how he became a complete shut-in while studying for the bar exam...his landlord, a man who did not know him well, noticed he wasn't going out and started checking on him. The landlord brought him food and did his laundry because he could and knew it would help. A small act of kindness that will always be remembered.

What can you do today to help someone, just because?

(artist of drawing unknown)

first holidays without my mom

2010-12-12T21:36:00.003-05:00

To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

who needs a full moon!

2010-12-10T22:04:00.002-05:00

I slept fitfully Wednesday night as I had a feeling I would get called to a birth and sure enough, Thursday just before 5am I got a call that a client was in labor...she had the baby Thursday evening - a lovely VBAC after only a few pushes and a beautiful baby boy was born!

A little time to reconnect with family, do dinner/homework/bath time and then off to the city I went for another birth, a sweet and calm baby girl, Abbie, born this (Friday) morning about 5:30am after just a few pushes. The drive home was bad though - DUI of fatigue!

Made it home just in time to wake up kids, but thankfully my husband jumped in and I got a brief nap before starting my day. All hail to the eye shade mask.

Friday night and I'm going to crash...more babies on the horizon!

Welcome to the world, little ones!

Thankful

2010-11-25T12:19:00.005-05:00

Today I am thankful to be with my family...for the past several years I have been at births for at least part of Thanksgiving & while that's wonderful in its own way, it's nice not to have a split focus. I'm hosting a large family gathering, about 15 or so. Although we are sad that my mom is not with us, it's been nice, I think, for my dad to be involved in helping prepare the meal and talking about Thanksgivings in the past. Although I'm not exactly sticking to it, I'm so glad I have my mom's stuffing recipe...it was a made-up amalgamation and would have been lost forever.
I am also thankful that I am healthy and strong and was able to sneak out for a really great, tough early morning spin class before the craziness ensues...I got the very last bike!
I am thankful for our friends next door and the puppy playdate we had with them, so that our bulldog puppy, Lula, is content and quiet as I cook.
I am thankful that we have plenty of food to share. And while I'm at it, I'm thankful that I can turn a handle and fresh water comes out, that I turn a dial and heat comes on, that all I have to do with all the trash that comes from a giant meal is put it in a bag and someone comes and takes it away rather than me having to haul it someplace.
And I am thankful for the hands of my children, who peeled and cut sweet potatoes and made place cards and decorated.
And if the weather holds, I will gather with friends and family around the fire pit tonight and give thanks that fall is here and winter is not far behind.

restore your faith in humanity

2010-11-21T10:02:00.002-05:00

if you ever doubted the kindness of strangers and the power of motherhood,
read this touching story of how one mom, overcoming the loss of her own baby, helped save another mother's child by donating breast milk

Becoming a skiing family...ah, winter!

2010-11-21T09:04:00.014-05:00

I did not grow up skiing but took it up as an adult. My oldest started skiing at age 4, my middle son at age 3 and my youngest at age 2. Because my oldest two ski (and now snowboard) faster than I do, I have had to up my game to keep up...I even do tiny jumps sometimes, since I have to be in terrain parks with them anyway.

Skiing is a great (but expensive) family sport. We are lucky in that there are local ski clubs for the kids starting as young as third grade & we live withing an hour of decent (for the East Coast) skiing. If you are taking up this sport more seriously, I thought I'd pass along what's needed/helpful (this was my email reply to a friend asking for info):

We (grown-ups) have our own boots - that's the toughest part to fit and requires no maintenance. Oldest just got his own snowboard/bindings/boots/carrying bag with room to grow, so hopefully that will hold him for while (except boots), though there will be maintenance. We have poles too, but frankly never use ours, as they come with the skis. We lease for the season - it is about $110/kid & $135 or so per adult, plus a hefty deposit...but where we rent, if you leave the deposit on file it grows so you are essentially getting a person free the next year. It's cheaper than renting for a week at a ski resort and makes day trips more appealing b/c you are not spending time renting gear each time. This year we will get a pack of discounted day passes.
We have a roof-top ski holder but it's no longer big enough with all of us + snowboard...so we will be moving to a Thule roof top box...we borrowed one last year & it was awesome...requires roof cross bars.

We also have our own helmets (& goggles, obviously). It pays to buy extra ski mittens for kids when you see them on sale and maybe an extra pair of goggles. It pays to wear proper ski socks - I prefer Smart Wool brand. It's best not to have the kind of girlie ski pants that fit inside the boot, lest you get something called "boot bite" - painful!

For the kids, I often actually buy their ski pants at Target, though I have sometimes found them on sale at various sports places...REI can be great, but shop early. For snowboarding gear, skate shops. Shop in-store & buy online once you know your sizes.
If night skiing, you may need clear goggles (for helmets) in addition to darker ones for day...
More on goggles: Ask for suggestions on what are most versatile - the light changes dramatically throughout the day and ones that are great for sun can make it hard to see when the light is flatter at the end of the day. There are goggles for people who wear glasses. Never wipe the inside of your goggles when they are foggy or wet...scratches will result.

Everyone will need:

long underwear (at least 2 pair...there is a brand of microfleece - Hot Chilies? very comfy/warm)

other top layer...only a tshirt of not too cold but something warmer if super cold

socks (wool is best)

(maybe sock liners & glove liners, though I don't personally wear them)

pants or bibs (snowboard pants often benefit from a belt)

jacket (I prefer jackets with vents in case you get hot)...if you will spring ski too, maybe under layer + over layer rather than one jacket

neck gator & or baklava (gator attached to head cover for under helmet - kids might like - I hate)

helmet

goggles

gloves or mittens - I prefer mittens, the more flexible the better - mine are Scott

shoes/boots that are grippy to wear to/from (though unnecessary for snowboarders, most likely)

boots

a big duffle for family gear

maybe a day bag to leave at lodge

If kids will be in lessons, consider taking your own roll of blue painter tape & sharpie & labeling stuff the night before, as this can be a bottleneck

I carry a tube of arnica pellets in my pocket in case of injury or achy knees

walkie-talkies & instructions to kids on not abusing them...no one wants to hear them playing around on the radio. pick a less-busy channel & have instructions about leaving them on. Get rechargeable.

other helpful info:

Drink water before/during/after...expect to have a horrible headache for one day if at high altitude - drinking water helps - drinking alcohol hurts
Kids can sleep in long underwear
put socks on first, then long underwear
have a plan on what to do if separated or lost
make sure the seam of long underwear is not hitting a tight part of boot
have a grab & go breakfast maybe
consider having granola bar or something in pocket in case starving/melting down kid & long lines...try to eat lunch off peak or not at main base lodge
packs of tissues & lip balm too
wear sunscreen on your face
either take off for awhile or leave your goggles on in gondola - less likely to fog
let your boots dry completely then wipe down. Don't leave them in the car overnight - cold plastic is no fun...sit them by a heater. Store them buckled off-season.
everyone will dump their gear all over when they walk in the door...either make them come back & pick it up or do it yourself without complaint...it will happen, so don't get upset.
establish a firm "carry your own" policy and learn how to properly/safely carry skis so you don't blind someone
teach your kids the rules of the mountain - not unlike driving rules
get your gear ready to go the night before...recharge radios.
Mornings can be hell getting out the door but then it's all worth it.
Pee before you get your gear on! ;-)

a mention in the friendly local press...

2010-11-19T11:58:00.001-05:00

Workshop tomorrow, Saturday 11/20 2-5p at Shakti

vaginal breech twins birth - excellent birth story

2010-11-15T13:34:00.003-05:00

Check out this wonderful birth story from the blog "Living A Truly Blessed Life" ...awesome!

clearly not in America...:

the registrar appeared (the infamous Hassan!) and the midwife sounding panicked told him I had been 9cm with a lip but was now pushing and the babies were breech, she asked him what to do, “hands off and just watch” replied Hassan.

and

The registrar then called for a c-section, apparently twin 2 wasn’t coming down. Clearly my precious boy had his own ideas, within seconds of the midwife leaving the room to organise the c-section the urge to push hit again. “Go for it” the registrar said, so I did.

Note to this mom...I have an Oliver of my own & Sebastian is the middle name of my youngest!

Rock on momma (and Hassan & care providers like him)!

a sneaker-clad step toward growing up

2010-11-15T12:29:00.010-05:00

Yesterday my youngest, 6 years old, got new sneakers. His first lace-up sneakers, at his insistence. He recently learned how to tie shoes - we even bought a cute book with instructions, pictures and practice laces. He's so proud of himself and I'm proud too...but, well, a bit wistful. Maybe because this is right on the heels (no pun intended!) of cleaning out little kid clothes and saying goodbye to all those tiny, tiny underwear. It's not that I love Velcro sneakers so much, though I imagine they have certainly had a positive impact on maternal sanity...and of course I celebrate this step toward independence, but every little move toward growing up means that soon he will be needing me less and less - a bittersweet thought.
And to tell the truth, I also groan a bit internally, knowing that this will mean lots of knots to untie and extra time waiting to get out the door when we are running late.

I hope I will exhale and allow him time to get it right.

snippet of motherhood: terminology

2010-11-10T12:17:00.003-05:00

My youngest said for Thanksgiving this year, he would like to wear his "Indian clothes" (he has them for Diwali celebrations) instead of being a pilgrim...after figuring out what he meant, I explained the difference between being "Indian" and "Native American"...love that kid!

meaningful words from a midwife

2010-11-08T21:01:00.006-05:00

From The Abundant Life's blog, How I Got Into Midwifery,

...We serve, we serve, we serve, we serve. We love, we help, we massage, we do what she needs, we listen, we advise, we rejoice with her, we grieve with her, we hold her accountable, we search around if there's something she needs, we buy her vitamins if she can't afford them, we stay up late researching for her. A midwife pours her life out for others...

Beautiful...

Labor & Delivery Workshop, 11/20/10 Shakti Yoga, Maplewood

2010-11-08T16:23:00.001-05:00

Labor & Delivery Workshop
with Kim Collins & Ires Wilbanks

When: Saturday, November 20, 2-5pm, Shakti

Cost: $75 per couple ~ please preregister.
Register: call 973-763-2288 or pay online

Questions: email Kim Collins

Giving birth is one of the most powerful and transformative events in a woman's life.

This intensive workshop is the perfect introduction to give you and your partner a glimpse into some of the many tools with which to approach birth physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Facilitated by Kim Collins, certified doula and childbirth educator, and Ires Wilbanks, certified teacher for yoga for labor and delivery, we will lead you through positions, breath work, comfort measures and vocalizations that will allow you to open your pelvis and experience a more efficient birth.

Learn how movement, touch and vocalization act as natural painkillers. Get insight into what to expect in a typical hospital birth and some of the ways you might avoid unnecessary interventions. A guided deep relaxation and visualization will also be included.

you know you're tired when...

2010-11-05T14:30:00.003-04:00

you look longingly at your client's hospital bed and think, "wow - that would be a nice little vacation"...
Clearly I needed a nap...or perhaps an IV streaming coffee into my veins...'cause I know that's not where I really want to be. I guess the concept of being required to rest and be in bed without feeling guilty, with a remote and a button to push for "service" is what's appealing.
Maybe I should see if I have some miles to use for a mini hotel vaca...but then I'd just have to confront my new paranoia about bed bugs, so I probably wouldn't do much relaxing. sigh.

sharing breastmilk...network of milk banks forming

2010-11-05T13:22:00.002-04:00

passing info along on Eats On Feets:

I am writing because there is a new network of moms forming right now, using facebook as the platform. Eats on Feets is a global milk sharing network designed to connect moms who have excess milk with moms who need donor milk. No other services/advice/fees...just mama to mama networking. I think midwives, doulas and LCs are going to be the backbone of the group since they are in constant contact with the lactating :o)

I am the admin of the New York chapter. The link to our page is:
www.facebook.com/eatsonfeetsnewyork

Would you pass this along to your contacts? Everyone can “like” the page, and milk share needs/offers can be posted there.

It has only been about a week since we’re getting it off the ground, and we have chapters in almost every state and 10+ countries!

Thank you!

help "The Birth House"

2010-11-05T12:23:00.002-04:00

a note via Facebook from author Ami McKay...link out to vote for her book (link then scroll down):

Hello from my little house by the Bay!

On this rainy, blustery November day, I thought I'd send you a long overdue note. Settled in the nook off my kitchen (once the birthing room in this old house) I've got a cup of hot tea, and my trusty(but sook of a yellow Lab.,Ponyo by my side. Life is good.

I'm writing for a couple of reasons, but more than anything I wanted to take a minute to say "thank-you" - for your messages, your comments, your stories, your readership, your patience, and above all, your kindness.

I can't tell you how many times a slow, challenging day of writing, (or life) has been made better by your words. Writing The Virgin Cure has been an amazing journey, but it hasn't always been easy. Although the idea for the novel came long ago, (it's a story I always wanted to write for my mother,) bringing it to the page has felt frightening and freeing all at once.

This writing life constantly suprises me - bringing me to truths I'd found easier to ignore, showing me parts of myself I never knew existed.

I know that getting this tale to you has taken longer than expected and I'm sorry for that. (Creativity and publishing dates are both slippery little buggers ;-) I hope you'll stick with me and stay tuned for the duration...I promise there will be much more to share, soon.

In the meantime, I want you to know how grateful I am to all of you for passing The Birth House to friends and family, hand to hand. I never imagined that so many people would take my words to heart!

For those of you who don't know, The Birth House recently made CBC Radio's "Canada Reads" top 40 essential novels of the decade list. What an honour!

They are currently holding an online vote for the top 10, and readers (wherever you might live) can cast your vote for The Birth House at the Canada Reads website,

http://www.cbc.ca/books/canadareads/2010/10/the-verdict-is-in-the-top-40-revealed-and-your-chance-to-choose-the-canada-reads-top-10.html

The deadline for voting is midnight ET - Sunday, Nov. 7.

Thanks to all who have already voted and have been spreading the word via FaceBook, blogs and Twitter!!!

I hope you're having a glorious autumn (it's my favourite time of year) and that you're cozied up with many good books and cups of tea!

With gratitude and best wishes,
Ami

Welcome, baby Ezra

2010-11-04T10:56:00.001-04:00

The boy who decided his own birth date, in spite of all sorts of people trying to impose other ideas!

Born at 6:44 pm on 11/3/10, 8lb 9oz, with a full head of auburn hair.

Welcome, beautiful boy. You have such fun and wonderful parents and the most kind, handsome and smart big brother!

Welcome baby Sophia!

2010-10-25T21:30:00.002-04:00

Born this evening at 6:04pm and weighing 8lb 8oz. Sophia, you were really ready and eager to be born today. Your momma worked so hard - I think your dad was in awe of her strength - I know I was. All your grandparents and many others waited nearby all day for word of your birth - you are beautiful and obviously so loved. Happy Birth Day!

in memory of Cindy Collins, my mom

2010-10-23T12:54:00.007-04:00

Here is the obituary I wrote for my mom:

Toni “Cindy” Collins was born in OH April 13, 1944 but was a California girl, having been raised in Carmel and lived in LA.
She was a fortunate woman, as she shared one of the greatest love stories ever told…she and Denny celebrated their 45th anniversary this year, three more years than the number of days they knew each other before getting married, having hit the love-at-first-sight jackpot in Jackpot, NV when their respective bands were playing in town.
Though she was already a top-ten recording and touring artist when they met, they made music together in Nashville and on the road, traveling the world and having adventures. Wherever they were was home as long as they were together. But if it was Hawaii, all the better!
Just as they decided on the night they met, they had a daughter named Kimberley. Kim and husband Len live in NJ with their three sons, Leo, Oliver and Eli. Family also meant Denny’s brother Gordy of TN, sister Donna, mom Elinor, aunt Rachel and cousin Dwayne of MT and niece Tonya of AK, and former brother-in-law and spiritual adviser Denny Roe of AZ, as well as Len’s family in NY, PA & CT. Cindy was preceded in death by her mom Bette and beloved Grandpa John.
Cindy made friends easily and if you were not friends it’s just because you hadn’t met yet. Some friends were life-long and were so very cherished. Wherever she worked, she adopted everyone as family. She was known for being upbeat, candid and a staunch advocate. When she found an interest, she threw herself into it: from being the only non-skydiver ever to become a judge at the national and world level (and never once cheated in Denny’s favor when he was competing) or playing and watching tennis (most recently at the US Open in NY) to quietly reviewing Denny’s crosswords or napping – she was a world class napper and relaxer, while also being an inexhaustible worker and entrepreneur.
Even after being diagnosed with cancer in late May of this year, she remained positive. She was a fighter and believed she would win. Although she died, we believe she really did win because of how she lived and who she was. Even when she was no longer able to have conversation, she was still able to say “I love you” and did so repeatedly in her final days. That was our gift.
Cindy died peacefully at home on October 21, 2010, listening to music, surrounded by family.
Her life was celebrated yesterday in TN at a gathering of family and friends. And because performers know the show must go on, we will be hitting the road for one more tour and hope to celebrate with those who loved Cindy in MT and the NY area.