Welcome baby Sophia!

Born this evening at 6:04pm and weighing 8lb 8oz. Sophia, you were really ready and eager to be born today. Your momma worked so hard - I think your dad was in awe of her strength - I know I was. All your grandparents and many others waited nearby all day for word of your birth - you are beautiful and obviously so loved. Happy Birth Day!

in memory of Cindy Collins, my mom

Here is the obituary I wrote for my mom:

Toni “Cindy” Collins was born in OH April 13, 1944 but was a California girl, having been raised in Carmel and lived in LA.
She was a fortunate woman, as she shared one of the greatest love stories ever told…she and Denny celebrated their 45th anniversary this year, three more years than the number of days they knew each other before getting married, having hit the love-at-first-sight jackpot in Jackpot, NV when their respective bands were playing in town.
Though she was already a top-ten recording and touring artist when they met, they made music together in Nashville and on the road, traveling the world and having adventures. Wherever they were was home as long as they were together. But if it was Hawaii, all the better!
Just as they decided on the night they met, they had a daughter named Kimberley. Kim and husband Len live in NJ with their three sons, Leo, Oliver and Eli. Family also meant Denny’s brother Gordy of TN, sister Donna, mom Elinor, aunt Rachel and cousin Dwayne of MT and niece Tonya of AK, and former brother-in-law and spiritual adviser Denny Roe of AZ, as well as Len’s family in NY, PA & CT. Cindy was preceded in death by her mom Bette and beloved Grandpa John.
Cindy made friends easily and if you were not friends it’s just because you hadn’t met yet. Some friends were life-long and were so very cherished. Wherever she worked, she adopted everyone as family. She was known for being upbeat, candid and a staunch advocate. When she found an interest, she threw herself into it: from being the only non-skydiver ever to become a judge at the national and world level (and never once cheated in Denny’s favor when he was competing) or playing and watching tennis (most recently at the US Open in NY) to quietly reviewing Denny’s crosswords or napping – she was a world class napper and relaxer, while also being an inexhaustible worker and entrepreneur.
Even after being diagnosed with cancer in late May of this year, she remained positive. She was a fighter and believed she would win. Although she died, we believe she really did win because of how she lived and who she was. Even when she was no longer able to have conversation, she was still able to say “I love you” and did so repeatedly in her final days. That was our gift.
Cindy died peacefully at home on October 21, 2010, listening to music, surrounded by family.
Her life was celebrated yesterday in TN at a gathering of family and friends. And because performers know the show must go on, we will be hitting the road for one more tour and hope to celebrate with those who loved Cindy in MT and the NY area.

a different sort of transition

I am packing my birth bag. I am bringing the usual things...my massage tools, essential oils, my rebozo shawl, warm socks, snacks, a fan, the things I use to make myself comfortable when sleeping in a hospital chair and soothing music.

But I am not going to a birth...I am going to say goodbye to my mother and help her have as peaceful and joy-filled a death as possible. It will hopefully be at home, just as many wonderful births are. And like at a birth, I hope to be of support to my dad, her husband and partner of forty-five years, as he and I bear witness to her passing.

I will bring with me the flowers of Hawaii, their favorite place on earth, to wish her on her way.

Wish me strength and grace, that I may be of service and open to whatever needs to happen.

take time to stop and smell the...children?

someone told me recently a "funny" story about an exceptionally bright young child at the table with his mom and others...she was talking/working & he couldn't get her attention, so he texted her his need to visit the bathroom. wake up call. I can be as distracted as the next when trying to blow through work...but wow. I pledge to facebook less and admire the faces of my children more.


the source of this cute kid picture

Telling it like it is

Oh my god - so very funny...if you want to know what home birth is like...at least C. Clifford's experience, read the comic strip - fabulous!

Homebirth Safety: Jennifer Block helps make sense of faulty study findings

Check out Jennifer Block's (awesome author of Pushed) new post, Home Births Under Fire Amid Outcry Over Wax Paper, in The Daily Beast

“Wax Paper” is what home birth supporters have taken to calling a metaanalysis that appears in the September issue of the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. A research method that has come under criticism in the past, a metaanalysis pools together data from several studies, and this one comes to a hotly contested conclusion: that babies are three times more likely to die if born at home, said the study, whose lead author is Joseph Wax, M.D....

...Several researchers and providers are lambasting the study as not only “deeply flawed” but “politically motivated,” the result of “intense medical lobbying.” (See: MOMS legislation introduced to the House last month.) Two independent experts who looked at the study for Time found it “weak and methodologically flawed.” The main criticism of the metaanalysis is its inclusion of old, discredited data that did not distinguish between planned, attended home births and accidentals on the kitchen floor or back seat, which have worse outcomes to be sure. And while the study was presented as being based on “hundreds of thousands of births,” its banner finding, that home birth is “associated with a tripling of the neonatal mortality rate,” is based on just 9,811 home births. And most of those deaths come from said poor data

There is a great recap of studies and ACOG's bias in saying that home birthers are being self-indulgent and unsafe - do check out the whole article. One birthing mom sums it up,

“Women are not merely participants in this process, we are the process. All women want to have healthy babies.”

(I don't know who took the image of the hearts...but it's made from wax paper...the kind of wax paper that's useful! ;-)

DoulaMomma childbirth classes

a new series starting:

DATES: Sundays, October 10, 17 & 24 (depending on class size, an additional date may be added)

TIME: 3:30-6 thereafter

WHERE: Maplewood, NJ

check my website/email for registration form & more information

welcome baby Gabe!

Gabriel Mark, born 9/29/10, 7lb8oz and a full head of hair. Wow - did you make your folks and grandparents work for it, little guy! You are born to parents who are strong and funny and so very filled with love...you have SO many people who are thrilled that you are here, healthy and handsome!

Welcome to the world...I'm giving you a nickname: Baby Gabe-y!!

xoxo

who needs vaginal exams? check the purple line!

According to an abstract of a small study, maybe vaginal exams will become less common as a means of assessing dilation:

Vaginal examination (VE) and assessment of the cervix is currently considered to be the gold standard for assessment of labour progress. It is however inherently imprecise with studies indicating an overall accuracy for determining the diameter of the cervix at between 48-56%. Furthermore, VE's can be unpleasant, intrusive and embarrassing for women, and are associated with the risk of introducing infection. In light of increasing concern world wide about the use of routine interventions in labour it may be time to consider alternative, less intrusive means of assessing progress in labour. The presence of a purple line during labour, seen to rise from the anal margin and extend between the buttocks as labour progresses has been reported. The study described in this paper aimed to assess in what percentage of women in labour a purple line was present, clear and measurable and to determine if any relationship existed between the length of the purple line and cervical dilatation and/or station of the fetal head.

Here is another thought: let's use our ears to listen to the sounds the woman is making, watch how she is acting and see how she looks overall. It doesn't always work, but I bet it's accurate more than 48-56% of the time!

it IS magic!

Magic- A Belly Grows from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo.

whip 'em out

staying connected

check out this amazing explanation (Midwife Thinking's Blog: The placenta - essential resuscitation equipment) of why it's so important not to cut the cord prematurely...nice to have our instincts/what we knew already so very nicely explained with good science.

Such a pity that premature cord clamping will likely increase rather than decrease as more and more people do cord blood banking, which, imho, is ignoring substantiated science and creating a problem now in deference to more theoretical science and insurance against a problem that may never occur.

welcome baby Emma Cate!

Wednesday, 8/18/10, 7lb 13oz
What a marathon, but your momma did it, with your help...thanks for finally turning! Your dad was right there, calm and funny and attentive every minute, helping your mom move through her fears and make today an joyous one.
Happy birthday Emma!

snippet of motherhood

School is still weeks away...yet today we had this exchange:

My 6yo:

Mom, on the first day of first grade, don't say, "I love you Sweetiepie - have a great first day - I'm so proud of you!" when I'm walking toward my school, OK? Just say, "I love you" in the car and I'll say it back. Or maybe you can say just, "I love you" when I'm walking away.

Me:

(gulp) OK. Wait - so I can say "I love you" when you're outside, just not the other stuff, right?

Him:

right

Me:

Got it. (sigh)

Him:

cool.

Welcome, baby Anamika!

Anamika Sydney (middle name for the city in which her folks became engaged - love that!)
5lb3oz of petit but lovely baby, born this morning, Sunday, August 1st.
Mika - your parents worked so hard all day and all night and are thrilled you are here...and what a treat to meet your grandparents and hear stories of family births and namings!

Welcome to the world!

take that, lame study on home birth dangers!

Home birth has been in the media a lot lately due to a recent study saying that although home birth is safe for low-risk moms, babies born at home had a 3x greater mortality rate. But how did they get that number? The American College of Nurse-Midwives' (ACNM response is great at picking apart the findings...bottom-line, it was a poorly done compilation.

In part, ACNM president, Holly Powell Kennedy, CNM, PhD, FACNM, FAAN, says the study is flawed because,

They included studies that did not distinguish between planned and unplanned home births. For example, if you had planned a hospital birth, but your labor progressed so quickly that you gave birth before you even made it to the hospital, then you wouldn’t have had a skilled attendant or necessary resources present.

In contrast, a planned home birth means that the woman and her health care provider have determined she is healthy, at low risk for complications, and has the necessary resources in place for a safe birth. By combining the two types of home births, the findings are limited.

Second, a meta-analysis is a way of combining the results of many studies. But in this case, there seems to be no clear reason as to which studies they included versus those they excluded. In fact, they actually did not include the best and by far largest study that's been done—which did not find a higher neonatal mortality rate.

Welcome Lilianna Sarah

Born Monday, 7/12/10 at 11:06pm, 7lbs even and 19' long.

You heard about the scheduled induction and decided to head out on your own - and when you did, man did you fly...so much so that I had to help the doctor catch you! Your momma was a rock star and your daddy rock solid ...enjoy the pictures of her examining you herself, complete with stethoscope and him cutting the cord - priceless. You are blessed with a wonderful family: auntie, uncles, grandparents and big dog brother, Whiskey Bob, who helped doula you throughout labor.

Welcome to the world, Lilianna!

sling it good!

be sure to watch until the end!

Happy Internal Activist Day

Happy Independence Day!

I went to yoga this morning and the talk at the start of class was about freedom and what that means. It so perfectly meshed with the choices we make around birth and life. Apologies for the ramble that is to come...I'm choosing (ha!) not to edit very much because that is my right! ;-)

I think we mostly think of that "Yahoo! I'm free!! School's out for summer!!" kind of feeling when we think about freedom. Other times we feel a lack of freedom and might say, "I'd love to, but my hands are tied". These can both be valid, but you never really have one without the other...with freedom comes responsibility. If we are free to choose, then we acknowledge that we are in charge at least of the things we are choosing. We always have freedoms if we choose to see them and take them on, even if those freedoms are small. Like in yoga, creating alignment in life, birth, death - it's a choice.

Many times we create the construct for ourselves that we have no choice because to do otherwise means that we have to take action. If someone is 39 weeks pregnant and knows deep down that she is not on the same page as her care provider, she might say she has no option but to hope for the best. Not true (unless she allows it to be). She might not have every choice - not all other providers will want to take her on, or maybe her insurance limits her choices, she could go into labor before switching. BUT, she does have a choice whether to continue in the relationship that is not working for her without entertaining her other options. She can try on other care providers for size...in fact, she might learn that the care provider she wanted to leave now may feel like the best choice after all...and then she CHOOSES to stay with an open heart, rather then stay because she feels she has no other option. That's powerful.

But I get it...feeling like someone else is in charge and calling the shots is appealing on a certain level. My mom is very ill and part of me just wants to sit back and let others tell us what to do...what is the best course of action, what will be easiest. I do get it on a deep level. And yet, I hope that I will find the courage to proceed with awareness, even if it is frightening or overwhelming. I know I have options, freedoms...and that they come with a price.

Ultimately, freedom is a good thing. So even if your only bit of freedom (it feels like) is to take three deep and relaxing breaths right at this moment, choose to do so, knowing that you are doing what you can. My yoga teacher would call this "internal activism" (I think! - I may be totally misinterpreting...) .
Happy Independence Day.
Happy Internal Activist Day too.

seeking doula in Portland, ME

This is for a friend of a client...due around 8/18...