welcome Xavier Erwin

Born via a powerful, all natural VBAC at 4:42p today, weighing 8lb 7oz, and 21" long...your parents should be so very proud...your daddy was a wonderful support (we got our own squat workout today with your labor!) and your momma did tireless research and homework to make this birth what she wanted it to be. She was so in her own zone, doing all that needed to be done to bring you into this world. Thank you for cooperating, Xavier! And have fun with all your grandparents and especially your big brother Jack!

Happy birthday (not April Fools!)

cue the circus music...

...'cause I need to do some major juggling. Such is the life of a doula who happens to be the mom of three (or the other way around, I suppose)...who is also hosting a playdate and has to pickup from afterschool activities. And make sure the dog goes out. And there is some food to eat. Feels a bit like a game of poker...depending on which card is dealt next, everything could go perfectly smoothly (and I'm not even talking about the labor) or not...ah, adrenaline....guess I won't have that second cup of coffee!

*hey - is that a birth ball on which the circus performer is standing? ;-)

ties that bind

I am cooking and realized well into the recipe that I had forgotten an ingredient. I ran to the store close to my house...and proceeded to bump into many people I know, most of whom I know because I was there when their babies were born. So satisfying to get to see baby cheeks give way to big girl teeth or learn that a big boy can now put on a jacket by himself...so sweet to see weariness turn to ease in these now-experienced mothers. A true blessing.

Birth Plans, part 2

A reader comment from yesterday's post made me realize that I wanted to cover a bit more about birth plans and hospital birth in general.

She wrote:

I think that this whole "birth plan" era has also unfortunately ushered in a huge amount of antagonism between patients & nurses, which is just SO upsetting to me (as a nurse). Believe it or not, we WANT you to have the birth that you want, but sometimes things just don't go the way they are "planned." Welcome to parenthood, that's your first lesson that kids never stick to the plan!

Sometimes people have the impression that giving or receiving a birth plan is an opportunity for scorn and eye rolling. It certainly can be...I have clients ask me all the time if they will be annoying the staff with a birth plan. I've also heard care providers jokingly speculate that the people with the longest birth plans are the ones who get cesareans...and the implication is that it's all their own fault. I hate to hear this...the people saying it just have not met the right kind of birth plans (and the mindset that goes with them)! Just as I think birthing women should not be dogmatic, I would love it if care providers also took responsibility for not mentally penalizing people for their earnestness.

A big part of the equation that usually can't be planned for is the luck of the draw with the assigned nurse. Sure, some nurses can be invested in women having as few needs as possible, in them being quiet or not "suffering". However, I find that most nurses (and everyone really) can get on board with a just about any birth plan if they are approached from a place of respect and acknowledgment that they are there to help. Find your inner Dale Carngie: "We prefer that you don't offer us medication, but we sure would love some ice chips and another pillow!" or consider saying, "Here's what we would prefer/what is important to us...can you help us with that?". Most people are decent human beings.

When there is an adversarial approach, it is likely caused, in part, when people are not well matched with the care providers/birth place (you know what they say about not going to a fast food restaurant if it's fine dining you are after). But also when people are coming from a place of fundamental distrust. There is this fine balance, I think, between being prepared to advocate for yourself (as well you should) and going in looking for a fight. 'Cause if you look for a fight, you are more likely to find one. Hostility is not going to help anyone, including the birthing woman, who will surely need to be able to trust and surrender. An atmosphere of distrust or upset can actually stop labor from progressing...those stress hormones are like kryptonite to the hormones that progress labor.

Instead, iron out as many details before you go into labor and make sure you are comfortable with the answers you are getting from all your care providers. Ask what is typical, where there is wiggle room, under what sorts of circumstances interventions might be typical. Consider hiring a doula. Labor at home for a good long time if you can. And, as I have written before, picture your care provider telling you you need an intervention you really don't want...in your gut, do you trust them? If the answer is no, if you are finding that you are still anticipating an uphill battle, make peace with the fact that you may be with the wrong practice or planning to birth at the wrong place for you and then do something about it.

Again, I'm not suggesting you jump on a conveyor belt of unwanted interventions...I'm suggesting you find out whether the conveyor belt is there at all before you get there and then respectfully pick you battles.

Save The Bees

Today I got to help at my youngest son's school...a bee keeper came and taught them about the importance of honey bees - we learned so much and even got to taste honey and make beeswax candles!...so much fun!
Note to pregnant mommas: the darker Buckwheat honey is delicious (a bit more like molasses) and has higher amounts of iron than lighter colored honey!

my dad's response: Earth's Rotation

Here is my dad's reply to my blog yesterday about his teaching.

I do (remember)…that was a big scientific breakthrough moment for us (both of us). For one thing it created the understanding of how our solar system functions, but it also taught me the value of creating simple training aids to enhance the learning/understanding process of a person trying to grasp a concept, thereby making the teaching process easier and more valuable. That principle stood me in good stead later when I was instructing skydiving and computer training.

Love,

Dad

Birth "plans"

I spent last night and then again this morning reviewing an incredibly lovely client's birth plan. Um - it shouldn't take that long. And it should fit on one page. No one else (in a hospital birth at least, which is who this post mostly concerns) is going to really read it if it's way too long or complicated. They don't want or need a preamble. Make it easy for them - think bullet points. And know that they can't really sign off on incredibly specific requirements...sure, you'd like a heplock (if medically necessary) in your left hand if you are right handed, but what if they can't find a vein there? See where I'm going with this? Not for nothin', but I think sometimes some childbirth educators or resources out there can get hung up on dogma and end up doing a disservice to people who might expect that all they have to do is show up with the plan. It's not that simple...birth happens within the culture of our society and of individual institutions (unless you are having a home birth) and practices. So it behooves you to approach that micro-culture in a way it can understand most easily. And do your homework before you go into labor to make sure you are with the right care provider and birth place for the type of birth you want.

Don't get me wrong - I think the exercise is very valuable for the woman/couple. I consider it part of my job as a doula and childbirth educator to make sure people understand their options and know what will typically happen if they do not express a preference. The process is important (for those who want it) even if "the plan" never sees the light of day. It's also a great jumping off point from which to have a discussion with your care provider.

But a potential downside is that sometimes women and couples think that it is somehow a binding document or that it can be the end of the discussion with their care provider. I know that's what I thought when I was pregnant with my first. For some wacky reason, my care provider (an OB) actually signed my birth plan, complete with preamble. I was an attorney at the time - I thought we were set (and as it turns out, we were - everything cooperated). But what about the others in the practice? What if my birth hadn't gone the way it did? I think I would have been upset - we had a deal, right? And yet plans have to be flexible...if I am taking a trip and plan to take the very scenic and lovely Road X, but Road X is under construction, I need to find a way around it. I'm not talking about caving to every intervention thrown at you - not at all! I'm simply saying that you need to have an understanding of what you are getting or giving up with your choices and when trading in one preference might, in the big picture, keep you more on track with where you want to go and how, generally, you want to get there. I'm talking about avoiding bigger interventions.

I prefer the idea of "Birth Preferences" because that's what they are. And I suggest that instead of just one big talk, there be a continued mentioning of preferences at all subsequent appointments, just to keep reminding them who you are and what's important to you (there are a lot more "yous" than there are of "them", as in other patients). I also suggest that you consider making the receptionist aware that extra time is needed at the appointment where you intend to have the initial birth plan talk. Nothing like trying to be heard and having your care provider looking at the clock or having her hand on the door handle (though if that's the case, it might be time to consider a new practice!).

So when I am faced with an incredibly detailed birth plan, I know it's time for a talk about big picture. It may be that every item can be adhered to with no issue. But what if someone is dead set against an IV and then vomits for hours and labor stalls due to dehydration? Sometimes a little intervention can save a bigger intervention. That's why they are preferences. It's good, I think, to always consider what the next best thing is too...

snippet of motherhood: overheard

my first grader asked if he could have a playdate with a girl in his class...he's been asking for this for awhile. We located the class directory and I gave him the phone.

"OK everybody," (it was really only me there)
"Be quiet - I have a call to make. (takes a deep breath)...OK - let's do this thing!"

Does my baby like a girl??

Earth's rotation

Dear Dad,
Do you remember teaching me this? I remember like yesterday...you put an orange on a pencil (tilted on it's axis, naturally) & then rotated it around the hanging hotel light fixture (that looked a bit like Saturn, actually)...and I got it.

I just did the same for E...only it was a cherry tomato on a chop stick around a seltzer bottle. The moon was played by a smaller bottle. He completely understands now.

Thanks (again).

xo,
K

belated welcome: Kara Grace

Apologies for not posting sooner, baby Kara Grace. Outside the three walls of glass on your birthday (March 13, NYC) morning, the whole city woke up to greet you. Welcome, beautiful girl - the world is out there waiting for you! Congratulations to you momma and poppa.

snippet of motherhood: complete recovery or "For Whom The Bell Tolls"

So the boy came through his surgery with flying colors. The recovery was actually a bit trickier than I imagined (not sure why that is - every mom who had btdt warned me!) but was also sort of nice. Firstly, my dad flew in to help (which we all loved), so I was able to get out to the gym and make daily runs for new ice cream flavors and foods that might be ok to grind up...though we discovered during the second week that soft scrambled eggs were like manna from the gods...a bit tough to say goodbye to egg friends though.

Mostly we stuck close to home and I was needed as a mom in a way I had not been needed in a long time. We actually had a middle-of-the-night cuddle sitting in the steamy bathroom with the shower running in order to sooth his throat. Either my lap has gotten smaller (not freaking likely) or the boy has gotten WAY bigger since last we did that.

Since his voice was so tiny and it hurt to talk, I gave him a bell to ring when he needed something. It was the very same bell I had used as a sick kid - I think my mom had gotten it at the mission in Carmel, CA where she grew up (I might be making up a more romantic heritage of this bell, but it makes me feel good to think that - and I think my dad liked the idea too). The kid enjoyed using the bell a little too much, if you know what I mean. I considered using rollerskates for a few days there.

So fast-forward to yesterday - the post-op doctor appointment at which he got the all-clear. On the way to the car, he said,

"Mom, it doesn't have to be over...we could just pretend that I'm still getting better. I can keep using the bell at least, right?"

snippet of motherhood: go green

I imagine most children are not chastened by the threat, "stop it now or no artichoke for you"...but mine are!

west coast mommas & babies - precaution

In a fantastic blog post by a CA midwife about Japan, there is this bit of interesting/useful information for those who are concerned for themselves and their families on the west coast of the US (in particular):

....the general scientific consensus is that we on the West Coast will be "safe" from radioactive contamination. HOWEVER, since the jet stream is carrying everything toward us from Japan, it might be wise to feed your family superfoods that are radiation-protective. Especially if you are pregnant, or have young children, please check out the following links, and add miso, kelp, nettle tea, and the other mentioned plants and superfoods to your diets for the next several weeks, as things "fall out". Here is Susan Weed http://www.wisewomantradition.com/wisewomanweb/2010/11/surviving-radiation-the-wise-woman-way.html
and here is another excellent one from Christian Bates http://christianbates.com/?p=748

snippet of motherhood: surgery eve

So tomorrow my youngest, 6, will go in and have his tonsils and adenoids removed. Removed. I find I'm a tiny bit disturbed that a tiny bit of my baby will be cut out and thrown away...they are parts that are no longer serving him well, but they are still little bits of his body. And the anesthesia...oy.
Gonna be a long day.

welcome, Devin Michel

This 8lb 4 oz baby boy was born last night (March 9, 2011, and I am recovered after his long, long labor and birth!) after his momma literally wiggled him out - coolest thing ever!! Congrats to this family - boy, did we laugh in spite of the days of on and off labor and then the aforementioned long labor and birth...Devin, your fine parents never lost their senses of humor and wonder...and I think those are some pretty good qualities for parents!!

By the way, beautiful boy...I don't expect you'll remember, but we had a moment, you and I. You looked right into my eyes and held them for a bit and it made me cry...I don't cry at every birth and I didn't even cry when you were born - this was after. The enormity of being there and staring into the eyes of a baby who is only a few minutes old but looking so very wise reminded me how lucky I am to do what I do, so thank you for that.

Welcome.

ps: tell your momma to start playing the oboe again...she got lots of practice showing us how it's done! ;-)

worth repeating

No need to convince those of us interested in maternity care...but to the average American, this article in a PA paper is needed information:

One of the biggest opportunities for reducing health care costs is improving the quality of maternity care. For most businesses, childbirth and newborn care is the largest or second largest (after heart care) category of hospital expenditures, and it's by far the largest category of hospital expenditures for state Medicaid programs. So even small improvements can result in large savings.

The place to start is with the most common hospital procedure in America -- the cesarean section. A C-section is a surgical delivery of a baby, rather than a normal, vaginal delivery. Not only does a C-section typically cost twice as much as a vaginal delivery, it is more likely to result in infections, injuries and other complications for both mothers and babies.

Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11065/1129785-432.stm#ixzz1FsH1Rtav

not winning

Parents don't have to try to be perfect, but they do have to try to be better for the sake of their children. Yes, I'm afraid I'm talking Charlie Sheen but also anyone who is a parent and having a hard time. Dude - your kids are going to see all this. For the love of them, get help privately and stop using talk shows as your own personal confessional.

As for the rest of us, mental illness is not funny to watch...I get that it's hard to look away from the train wreck, but that's what I have been doing for the most part on this whole thing...it's just disturbing and there are worthier topics that should be dominating the news and captivating our country...like Wisconsin. Or Georgia.

And I'm not being holier-than-thou...I watch plenty of bad TV. But I don't wish to contribute life energy to watching a man implode on camera, preserving it forever for his children to watch for the rest of their lives. Sad.

Welcome Taylor Paige

Born this evening, March 4, 2011 at 6:26pm after days if not weeks of practice contractions but only a few hours of labor...your momma and daddy made it look easy - both were calm and cool - excited but zen. Enjoy your big sister, baby girl - happy birth day!

NJ La Leche League conference

La Leche League of the Garden State is pleased to announce that registration for the April 1-3, 2011 breastfeeding and parenting conference is now open!

Please go to www.LLLGardenState.com toregister. You may download a registration form and return it with a check or you may register online with PayPal.

Members receive a coupon code for a $5 discount. Contact one of our Leaders for the code or to become a member.

The conference, with Mary Ann Cahill, Diane Wiessinger, Diana West, Lu Hanessian and many others, promises to be fantastic! We hope to see you there!

Please contact the conference workgroup at GSANConference@gmail.com if you have any questions about the conference or registration. Or feel free to call any of the leaders for information.

slide on down to the end of the table

as seen on Facebook...love this!

happy groundhog day!

I love that my doula (now midwife) from my first birth (that son is now 13) sends out Groundhog Day greetings...and that I'm still on the list...
This was the first year they were not handmade little cards...technology does make staying in touch so much easier though - I don't blame her. It's just a happy little reminder of just about the biggest event in my life...the experience helped shape me and is, in large part, why I do what I do now. Thanks Chris!


The picture she included is the one at the top & here's the quote:

As the light grows longer The cold grows stronger If Candlemas be fair and bright Winter will have another flight If Candlemas be cloud and rain Winter will be gone and not come again A farmer should on Candlemas day Have half his corn and half his hay On Candlemas day if thorns hang a drop You can be sure of a good pea crop –

weather and babies

message to all babies - hang in there...let the storms pass and life settle back to normal...please?

But we know some babies will be born - but really, anyone who must travel in super bad weather - this was what I just posted on facebook:

dear midwives, doulas & imminently expectant parents...

the National Weather Service advises (in all caps - sorry - that's theirs):
IF YOU MUST TRAVEL...KEEP AN EXTRA FLASHLIGHT...FOOD...AND WATER IN YOUR VEHICLE IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY. I would add: a blanket and a well-charged cell phone and appropriate clothing/footwear.

Stay safe, everyone.

snippet of motherhood: technology and parenting

Today was a nutty day. I was just about to pick my oldest up from school early for an appointment when the school nurse for the youngest called saying he seemed fine but had come back for a second time today saying it hurt to swallow. No fever, good mood, just a red throat. So I scooped him up and made an appointment with the pediatrician just to rule out strep, which has been making the rounds amongst our friends. I called the middle son's school to send a message to him not to wait for his little brother and to come on home.

So now my youngest is with me to get his oldest brother at school and take him to the eye doctor. Diagnosis: quite nearsighted! He's a boy who knows what he likes and he didn't like the glasses the eye doctor had to offer. I've learned my lesson about strong-arming him into accepting things he doesn't really like/want...So we squeezed in a quick trip to a cooler glasses place and found a perfect pair (ca-ching!)...then we dropped him (oldest) at dentist and raced to the pediatrician who was not able to rule out strep because, in spite of him seeming well and not even looking like strep, he actually has a very bad case. Sigh...pick up oldest at dentist, head to pharmacy to drop Rx, head to market to buy groceries while waiting for prescription (since we will be home bound tomorrow - which reminds me, must call school and report strep & absence tomorrow...). Then picked up medicine and a few little treats and soup.

So what does this have to do with technology? Well, to keep him occupied at the eye doctor and again while waiting for the pediatrician, I allowed my youngest to play a game (Fruit Ninja? I guess my oldest loaded it because I sure didn't) on my iPad and now he's obsessed with wanting to play with it again. Here was his attempt:

him: "Mom - I was just talking with your old laptop...he's lonely. He really misses you. Maybe you should spend some time with him instead of your iPad tonight!"


me: "I don't think my laptop is a boy".

Crafty boy...I may just let him play with it as a reward for his creativity!

Welcome Olivia Jane!

You took you time and your momma and daddy hung in there...working so hard for you and here you are...welcome beautiful girl!

swap a doula story for a chance to win natural hand cream

Check out the blog post at Birth A Miracle Services...
the instructions are there...the cream sounds nice:

be entered in a drawing for my homemade, natural hand cream made from herbs I’ve grown. It works great for all sorts of maladies. Dry, cracked hands or feet? Diaper rash? Other skin rashes? Stretch marks? This cream takes care of it all. I use it for my family, and I want to pass on a jar of it to the lucky winner!

Guerrila Midwife

There will be a special showing of this film this coming Sunday in NJ...though not open to the public, it's certainly open to wise women whom I have served or will serve as doula...please be in touch if you want more information! Also, there will be in attendance one or more fantastic home birth midwifes from the area.
Our hope is that we can get it shown at a local film festival this year...

Create community, craft stories and share the vision of gentle birth healing mother earth.Wine & cheese & film screening of 90 minute movie, "Guerilla Midwife" of beautiful midwife, Robin Lim.Sunday, Jan. 23, 2011, 4 pm- 7 pmin Montlcair

Bumi Sehat Foundation International

www.bumisehatbali.org

Gentle Birth Heals Mother Earth! Founded in 1995, Yayasan Bumi Sehat (Healthy Mother Earth Foundation) is a non-profit, village-based organization of dedicated families, midwives, doctors, nurses, teachers and volunteers from Indonesia and other countries around the world.

snippet of motherhood part 2...you have got to be kidding me!

I just caught my oldest, 13, about to snowboard down a ramp he created in the backyard...made from my teak outdoor FURNITURE!

It should also be noted that he was wearing shorts (boxer shorts maybe?) and a tshirt and snowboarding boots...no pants, no jacket, no helmet...sigh

me: "are you insane? stop immediately and put everything back right now!"

him: "it's fine - stop freaking out"

me: "it's so NOT fine...never do this again"

him: "well, I guess I can never have ANY fun around here!"

me: "I guess not"

him: "will you finally take me to Home Depot so I can get PVC pipe and build a rail then??"

me: ...silence and deep breaths...

(the above photo is, thankfully, not in my yard or that of anyone I know!)

snippet of motherhood: thank goodness!

Tonight at dinner...

my 6yo: "on my next birthday, I want a machete..."

me: "um..."

my 6yo: "...but not the knife kind. I want the little pieces of paper-cut up-that explode-at a party kind of machete"

me: "could you mean confetti??"

my 6yo: " oh - yeah...confetti! That's what I want - confetti."

whew!

babies!

Oops - I missed posting about two recent babies...two boys, both with warriors for mommas! Marathon births both...congrats to all!

Welcome baby

Georgia Teresa...we thought you would be born on New Year's Eve, but that's So last decade! We thought you would be born on New Year's Day but maybe prime numbers are not your thing...so yesterday, 1/2/11, was your day. You were worth the wait...all 6lbs 11inches of you is beautiful. Many blessings to your momma, who worked so hard and was a warrior and to your daddy, who wept with joy when he saw you. I know you will be so loved by your big sisters and Gordy the dog too! (not to mention the camera...not many babies look right into the lens for their close-up!)
Welcome to the world, little Georgia Teresa...

(out with the old) In with the new!

Happy 2011!

(shout out to baby Gabe, above, born 2010!...let's hope his image here gives a certain baby girl we are waiting on some ideas...I hope to have a baby announcement sometime today or tonight!)

Don't Ask Don't Tell

Yay! It's officially no longer the policy of our military...
now to tackle that other "Don't Ask Don't Tell" - eating & drinking in labor at a hospital

Is my baby getting enough milk? (1 of 4)

Snippet of motherhood: do the right thing

Today my 6yo asked to speak with me in private. He was very serious.
With tears in his eyes, he started to talk.

Apparently a little toy animal from a vacation bible school (he attended a few days this summer) "fell into his pocket"and he's been sweating it ever since...he was afraid he would be in trouble for this "accident" and is sure that the teacher has probably thought of nothing else since. He wanted me to return the toy but didn't want to go himself.

I told him that he was doing the right thing talking to me & should have done so sooner (he admitted he felt better) but that he wouldn't have such a bad feeling if it was truly an accident and that to really do the right thing & feel even better, he needed to tell me how the toy got into his pocket. He clung to his story for a bit but then he confessed. And I told him that likely that teacher would not even be there when we go, but nevertheless, he needs to be the one to say what happened and that he will certainly be in the right place for people appreciating someone being moved to do what is right, even if they did something wrong to begin with. So now I have to figure out when the church is open so we can make amends.

Good times.

make a difference

The biggest thing you can do today is a small act of kindness

-Cory Booker, Mayor of Newark, NJ

Mayor Booker was on the radio and told a story about how he became a complete shut-in while studying for the bar exam...his landlord, a man who did not know him well, noticed he wasn't going out and started checking on him. The landlord brought him food and did his laundry because he could and knew it would help. A small act of kindness that will always be remembered.

What can you do today to help someone, just because?

(artist of drawing unknown)

first holidays without my mom

To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.

who needs a full moon!

I slept fitfully Wednesday night as I had a feeling I would get called to a birth and sure enough, Thursday just before 5am I got a call that a client was in labor...she had the baby Thursday evening - a lovely VBAC after only a few pushes and a beautiful baby boy was born!

A little time to reconnect with family, do dinner/homework/bath time and then off to the city I went for another birth, a sweet and calm baby girl, Abbie, born this (Friday) morning about 5:30am after just a few pushes. The drive home was bad though - DUI of fatigue!

Made it home just in time to wake up kids, but thankfully my husband jumped in and I got a brief nap before starting my day. All hail to the eye shade mask.

Friday night and I'm going to crash...more babies on the horizon!

Welcome to the world, little ones!

Thankful

Today I am thankful to be with my family...for the past several years I have been at births for at least part of Thanksgiving & while that's wonderful in its own way, it's nice not to have a split focus. I'm hosting a large family gathering, about 15 or so. Although we are sad that my mom is not with us, it's been nice, I think, for my dad to be involved in helping prepare the meal and talking about Thanksgivings in the past. Although I'm not exactly sticking to it, I'm so glad I have my mom's stuffing recipe...it was a made-up amalgamation and would have been lost forever.
I am also thankful that I am healthy and strong and was able to sneak out for a really great, tough early morning spin class before the craziness ensues...I got the very last bike!
I am thankful for our friends next door and the puppy playdate we had with them, so that our bulldog puppy, Lula, is content and quiet as I cook.
I am thankful that we have plenty of food to share. And while I'm at it, I'm thankful that I can turn a handle and fresh water comes out, that I turn a dial and heat comes on, that all I have to do with all the trash that comes from a giant meal is put it in a bag and someone comes and takes it away rather than me having to haul it someplace.
And I am thankful for the hands of my children, who peeled and cut sweet potatoes and made place cards and decorated.
And if the weather holds, I will gather with friends and family around the fire pit tonight and give thanks that fall is here and winter is not far behind.

restore your faith in humanity

if you ever doubted the kindness of strangers and the power of motherhood,
read this touching story of how one mom, overcoming the loss of her own baby, helped save another mother's child by donating breast milk

Becoming a skiing family...ah, winter!

I did not grow up skiing but took it up as an adult. My oldest started skiing at age 4, my middle son at age 3 and my youngest at age 2. Because my oldest two ski (and now snowboard) faster than I do, I have had to up my game to keep up...I even do tiny jumps sometimes, since I have to be in terrain parks with them anyway.

Skiing is a great (but expensive) family sport. We are lucky in that there are local ski clubs for the kids starting as young as third grade & we live withing an hour of decent (for the East Coast) skiing. If you are taking up this sport more seriously, I thought I'd pass along what's needed/helpful (this was my email reply to a friend asking for info):

We (grown-ups) have our own boots - that's the toughest part to fit and requires no maintenance. Oldest just got his own snowboard/bindings/boots/carrying bag with room to grow, so hopefully that will hold him for while (except boots), though there will be maintenance. We have poles too, but frankly never use ours, as they come with the skis. We lease for the season - it is about $110/kid & $135 or so per adult, plus a hefty deposit...but where we rent, if you leave the deposit on file it grows so you are essentially getting a person free the next year. It's cheaper than renting for a week at a ski resort and makes day trips more appealing b/c you are not spending time renting gear each time. This year we will get a pack of discounted day passes.
We have a roof-top ski holder but it's no longer big enough with all of us + snowboard...so we will be moving to a Thule roof top box...we borrowed one last year & it was awesome...requires roof cross bars.

We also have our own helmets (& goggles, obviously). It pays to buy extra ski mittens for kids when you see them on sale and maybe an extra pair of goggles. It pays to wear proper ski socks - I prefer Smart Wool brand. It's best not to have the kind of girlie ski pants that fit inside the boot, lest you get something called "boot bite" - painful!

For the kids, I often actually buy their ski pants at Target, though I have sometimes found them on sale at various sports places...REI can be great, but shop early. For snowboarding gear, skate shops. Shop in-store & buy online once you know your sizes.
If night skiing, you may need clear goggles (for helmets) in addition to darker ones for day...
More on goggles: Ask for suggestions on what are most versatile - the light changes dramatically throughout the day and ones that are great for sun can make it hard to see when the light is flatter at the end of the day. There are goggles for people who wear glasses. Never wipe the inside of your goggles when they are foggy or wet...scratches will result.

Everyone will need:

• long underwear (at least 2 pair...there is a brand of microfleece - Hot Chilies? very comfy/warm)

• other top layer...only a tshirt of not too cold but something warmer if super cold

• socks (wool is best)

• (maybe sock liners & glove liners, though I don't personally wear them)

• pants or bibs (snowboard pants often benefit from a belt)

• jacket (I prefer jackets with vents in case you get hot)...if you will spring ski too, maybe under layer + over layer rather than one jacket

• neck gator & or baklava (gator attached to head cover for under helmet - kids might like - I hate)

• helmet

• goggles

• gloves or mittens - I prefer mittens, the more flexible the better - mine are Scott

• shoes/boots that are grippy to wear to/from (though unnecessary for snowboarders, most likely)

• boots

• a big duffle for family gear

• maybe a day bag to leave at lodge

• If kids will be in lessons, consider taking your own roll of blue painter tape & sharpie & labeling stuff the night before, as this can be a bottleneck

• I carry a tube of arnica pellets in my pocket in case of injury or achy knees

• walkie-talkies & instructions to kids on not abusing them...no one wants to hear them playing around on the radio. pick a less-busy channel & have instructions about leaving them on. Get rechargeable.
  

other helpful info:

• Drink water before/during/after...expect to have a horrible headache for one day if at high altitude - drinking water helps - drinking alcohol hurts
  
• Kids can sleep in long underwear
• put socks on first, then long underwear
• have a plan on what to do if separated or lost
• make sure the seam of long underwear is not hitting a tight part of boot
  
• have a grab & go breakfast maybe
• consider having granola bar or something in pocket in case starving/melting down kid & long lines...try to eat lunch off peak or not at main base lodge
• packs of tissues & lip balm too
• wear sunscreen on your face
  
• either take off for awhile or leave your goggles on in gondola - less likely to fog
• let your boots dry completely then wipe down. Don't leave them in the car overnight - cold plastic is no fun...sit them by a heater. Store them buckled off-season.
• everyone will dump their gear all over when they walk in the door...either make them come back & pick it up or do it yourself without complaint...it will happen, so don't get upset.
  
• establish a firm "carry your own" policy and learn how to properly/safely carry skis so you don't blind someone
• teach your kids the rules of the mountain - not unlike driving rules
  
• get your gear ready to go the night before...recharge radios.
  
• Mornings can be hell getting out the door but then it's all worth it.
• Pee before you get your gear on! ;-)
  

a mention in the friendly local press...

Workshop tomorrow, Saturday 11/20 2-5p at Shakti

vaginal breech twins birth - excellent birth story

Check out this wonderful birth story from the blog "Living A Truly Blessed Life" ...awesome!

clearly not in America...:

the registrar appeared (the infamous Hassan!) and the midwife sounding panicked told him I had been 9cm with a lip but was now pushing and the babies were breech, she asked him what to do, “hands off and just watch” replied Hassan.

and

The registrar then called for a c-section, apparently twin 2 wasn’t coming down. Clearly my precious boy had his own ideas, within seconds of the midwife leaving the room to organise the c-section the urge to push hit again. “Go for it” the registrar said, so I did.

Note to this mom...I have an Oliver of my own & Sebastian is the middle name of my youngest!

Rock on momma (and Hassan & care providers like him)!

a sneaker-clad step toward growing up

Yesterday my youngest, 6 years old, got new sneakers. His first lace-up sneakers, at his insistence. He recently learned how to tie shoes - we even bought a cute book with instructions, pictures and practice laces. He's so proud of himself and I'm proud too...but, well, a bit wistful. Maybe because this is right on the heels (no pun intended!) of cleaning out little kid clothes and saying goodbye to all those tiny, tiny underwear. It's not that I love Velcro sneakers so much, though I imagine they have certainly had a positive impact on maternal sanity...and of course I celebrate this step toward independence, but every little move toward growing up means that soon he will be needing me less and less - a bittersweet thought.
And to tell the truth, I also groan a bit internally, knowing that this will mean lots of knots to untie and extra time waiting to get out the door when we are running late.

I hope I will exhale and allow him time to get it right.

snippet of motherhood: terminology

My youngest said for Thanksgiving this year, he would like to wear his "Indian clothes" (he has them for Diwali celebrations) instead of being a pilgrim...after figuring out what he meant, I explained the difference between being "Indian" and "Native American"...love that kid!

meaningful words from a midwife

From The Abundant Life's blog, How I Got Into Midwifery,

...We serve, we serve, we serve, we serve. We love, we help, we massage, we do what she needs, we listen, we advise, we rejoice with her, we grieve with her, we hold her accountable, we search around if there's something she needs, we buy her vitamins if she can't afford them, we stay up late researching for her. A midwife pours her life out for others...

Beautiful...

Labor & Delivery Workshop, 11/20/10 Shakti Yoga, Maplewood

Labor & Delivery Workshop
with Kim Collins & Ires Wilbanks

When: Saturday, November 20, 2-5pm, Shakti

Cost: $75 per couple ~ please preregister.
Register: call 973-763-2288 or pay online

Questions: email Kim Collins

Giving birth is one of the most powerful and transformative events in a woman's life.

This intensive workshop is the perfect introduction to give you and your partner a glimpse into some of the many tools with which to approach birth physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Facilitated by Kim Collins, certified doula and childbirth educator, and Ires Wilbanks, certified teacher for yoga for labor and delivery, we will lead you through positions, breath work, comfort measures and vocalizations that will allow you to open your pelvis and experience a more efficient birth.

Learn how movement, touch and vocalization act as natural painkillers. Get insight into what to expect in a typical hospital birth and some of the ways you might avoid unnecessary interventions. A guided deep relaxation and visualization will also be included.

you know you're tired when...

you look longingly at your client's hospital bed and think, "wow - that would be a nice little vacation"...
Clearly I needed a nap...or perhaps an IV streaming coffee into my veins...'cause I know that's not where I really want to be. I guess the concept of being required to rest and be in bed without feeling guilty, with a remote and a button to push for "service" is what's appealing.
Maybe I should see if I have some miles to use for a mini hotel vaca...but then I'd just have to confront my new paranoia about bed bugs, so I probably wouldn't do much relaxing. sigh.

sharing breastmilk...network of milk banks forming

passing info along on Eats On Feets:

I am writing because there is a new network of moms forming right now, using facebook as the platform. Eats on Feets is a global milk sharing network designed to connect moms who have excess milk with moms who need donor milk. No other services/advice/fees...just mama to mama networking. I think midwives, doulas and LCs are going to be the backbone of the group since they are in constant contact with the lactating :o)

I am the admin of the New York chapter. The link to our page is:
www.facebook.com/eatsonfeetsnewyork

Would you pass this along to your contacts? Everyone can “like” the page, and milk share needs/offers can be posted there.

It has only been about a week since we’re getting it off the ground, and we have chapters in almost every state and 10+ countries!

Thank you!

help "The Birth House"

a note via Facebook from author Ami McKay...link out to vote for her book (link then scroll down):

Hello from my little house by the Bay!

On this rainy, blustery November day, I thought I'd send you a long overdue note. Settled in the nook off my kitchen (once the birthing room in this old house) I've got a cup of hot tea, and my trusty(but sook of a yellow Lab.,Ponyo by my side. Life is good.

I'm writing for a couple of reasons, but more than anything I wanted to take a minute to say "thank-you" - for your messages, your comments, your stories, your readership, your patience, and above all, your kindness.

I can't tell you how many times a slow, challenging day of writing, (or life) has been made better by your words. Writing The Virgin Cure has been an amazing journey, but it hasn't always been easy. Although the idea for the novel came long ago, (it's a story I always wanted to write for my mother,) bringing it to the page has felt frightening and freeing all at once.

This writing life constantly suprises me - bringing me to truths I'd found easier to ignore, showing me parts of myself I never knew existed.

I know that getting this tale to you has taken longer than expected and I'm sorry for that. (Creativity and publishing dates are both slippery little buggers ;-) I hope you'll stick with me and stay tuned for the duration...I promise there will be much more to share, soon.

In the meantime, I want you to know how grateful I am to all of you for passing The Birth House to friends and family, hand to hand. I never imagined that so many people would take my words to heart!

For those of you who don't know, The Birth House recently made CBC Radio's "Canada Reads" top 40 essential novels of the decade list. What an honour!

They are currently holding an online vote for the top 10, and readers (wherever you might live) can cast your vote for The Birth House at the Canada Reads website,

http://www.cbc.ca/books/canadareads/2010/10/the-verdict-is-in-the-top-40-revealed-and-your-chance-to-choose-the-canada-reads-top-10.html

The deadline for voting is midnight ET - Sunday, Nov. 7.

Thanks to all who have already voted and have been spreading the word via FaceBook, blogs and Twitter!!!

I hope you're having a glorious autumn (it's my favourite time of year) and that you're cozied up with many good books and cups of tea!

With gratitude and best wishes,
Ami

Welcome, baby Ezra

The boy who decided his own birth date, in spite of all sorts of people trying to impose other ideas!

Born at 6:44 pm on 11/3/10, 8lb 9oz, with a full head of auburn hair.

Welcome, beautiful boy. You have such fun and wonderful parents and the most kind, handsome and smart big brother!

Welcome baby Sophia!

Born this evening at 6:04pm and weighing 8lb 8oz. Sophia, you were really ready and eager to be born today. Your momma worked so hard - I think your dad was in awe of her strength - I know I was. All your grandparents and many others waited nearby all day for word of your birth - you are beautiful and obviously so loved. Happy Birth Day!

in memory of Cindy Collins, my mom

Here is the obituary I wrote for my mom:

Toni “Cindy” Collins was born in OH April 13, 1944 but was a California girl, having been raised in Carmel and lived in LA.
She was a fortunate woman, as she shared one of the greatest love stories ever told…she and Denny celebrated their 45th anniversary this year, three more years than the number of days they knew each other before getting married, having hit the love-at-first-sight jackpot in Jackpot, NV when their respective bands were playing in town.
Though she was already a top-ten recording and touring artist when they met, they made music together in Nashville and on the road, traveling the world and having adventures. Wherever they were was home as long as they were together. But if it was Hawaii, all the better!
Just as they decided on the night they met, they had a daughter named Kimberley. Kim and husband Len live in NJ with their three sons, Leo, Oliver and Eli. Family also meant Denny’s brother Gordy of TN, sister Donna, mom Elinor, aunt Rachel and cousin Dwayne of MT and niece Tonya of AK, and former brother-in-law and spiritual adviser Denny Roe of AZ, as well as Len’s family in NY, PA & CT. Cindy was preceded in death by her mom Bette and beloved Grandpa John.
Cindy made friends easily and if you were not friends it’s just because you hadn’t met yet. Some friends were life-long and were so very cherished. Wherever she worked, she adopted everyone as family. She was known for being upbeat, candid and a staunch advocate. When she found an interest, she threw herself into it: from being the only non-skydiver ever to become a judge at the national and world level (and never once cheated in Denny’s favor when he was competing) or playing and watching tennis (most recently at the US Open in NY) to quietly reviewing Denny’s crosswords or napping – she was a world class napper and relaxer, while also being an inexhaustible worker and entrepreneur.
Even after being diagnosed with cancer in late May of this year, she remained positive. She was a fighter and believed she would win. Although she died, we believe she really did win because of how she lived and who she was. Even when she was no longer able to have conversation, she was still able to say “I love you” and did so repeatedly in her final days. That was our gift.
Cindy died peacefully at home on October 21, 2010, listening to music, surrounded by family.
Her life was celebrated yesterday in TN at a gathering of family and friends. And because performers know the show must go on, we will be hitting the road for one more tour and hope to celebrate with those who loved Cindy in MT and the NY area.

a different sort of transition

I am packing my birth bag. I am bringing the usual things...my massage tools, essential oils, my rebozo shawl, warm socks, snacks, a fan, the things I use to make myself comfortable when sleeping in a hospital chair and soothing music.

But I am not going to a birth...I am going to say goodbye to my mother and help her have as peaceful and joy-filled a death as possible. It will hopefully be at home, just as many wonderful births are. And like at a birth, I hope to be of support to my dad, her husband and partner of forty-five years, as he and I bear witness to her passing.

I will bring with me the flowers of Hawaii, their favorite place on earth, to wish her on her way.

Wish me strength and grace, that I may be of service and open to whatever needs to happen.

take time to stop and smell the...children?

someone told me recently a "funny" story about an exceptionally bright young child at the table with his mom and others...she was talking/working & he couldn't get her attention, so he texted her his need to visit the bathroom. wake up call. I can be as distracted as the next when trying to blow through work...but wow. I pledge to facebook less and admire the faces of my children more.


the source of this cute kid picture

Telling it like it is

Oh my god - so very funny...if you want to know what home birth is like...at least C. Clifford's experience, read the comic strip - fabulous!

Homebirth Safety: Jennifer Block helps make sense of faulty study findings

Check out Jennifer Block's (awesome author of Pushed) new post, Home Births Under Fire Amid Outcry Over Wax Paper, in The Daily Beast

“Wax Paper” is what home birth supporters have taken to calling a metaanalysis that appears in the September issue of the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology. A research method that has come under criticism in the past, a metaanalysis pools together data from several studies, and this one comes to a hotly contested conclusion: that babies are three times more likely to die if born at home, said the study, whose lead author is Joseph Wax, M.D....

...Several researchers and providers are lambasting the study as not only “deeply flawed” but “politically motivated,” the result of “intense medical lobbying.” (See: MOMS legislation introduced to the House last month.) Two independent experts who looked at the study for Time found it “weak and methodologically flawed.” The main criticism of the metaanalysis is its inclusion of old, discredited data that did not distinguish between planned, attended home births and accidentals on the kitchen floor or back seat, which have worse outcomes to be sure. And while the study was presented as being based on “hundreds of thousands of births,” its banner finding, that home birth is “associated with a tripling of the neonatal mortality rate,” is based on just 9,811 home births. And most of those deaths come from said poor data

There is a great recap of studies and ACOG's bias in saying that home birthers are being self-indulgent and unsafe - do check out the whole article. One birthing mom sums it up,

“Women are not merely participants in this process, we are the process. All women want to have healthy babies.”

(I don't know who took the image of the hearts...but it's made from wax paper...the kind of wax paper that's useful! ;-)

DoulaMomma childbirth classes

a new series starting:

DATES: Sundays, October 10, 17 & 24 (depending on class size, an additional date may be added)

TIME: 3:30-6 thereafter

WHERE: Maplewood, NJ

check my website/email for registration form & more information

welcome baby Gabe!

Gabriel Mark, born 9/29/10, 7lb8oz and a full head of hair. Wow - did you make your folks and grandparents work for it, little guy! You are born to parents who are strong and funny and so very filled with love...you have SO many people who are thrilled that you are here, healthy and handsome!

Welcome to the world...I'm giving you a nickname: Baby Gabe-y!!

xoxo

who needs vaginal exams? check the purple line!

According to an abstract of a small study, maybe vaginal exams will become less common as a means of assessing dilation:

Vaginal examination (VE) and assessment of the cervix is currently considered to be the gold standard for assessment of labour progress. It is however inherently imprecise with studies indicating an overall accuracy for determining the diameter of the cervix at between 48-56%. Furthermore, VE's can be unpleasant, intrusive and embarrassing for women, and are associated with the risk of introducing infection. In light of increasing concern world wide about the use of routine interventions in labour it may be time to consider alternative, less intrusive means of assessing progress in labour. The presence of a purple line during labour, seen to rise from the anal margin and extend between the buttocks as labour progresses has been reported. The study described in this paper aimed to assess in what percentage of women in labour a purple line was present, clear and measurable and to determine if any relationship existed between the length of the purple line and cervical dilatation and/or station of the fetal head.

Here is another thought: let's use our ears to listen to the sounds the woman is making, watch how she is acting and see how she looks overall. It doesn't always work, but I bet it's accurate more than 48-56% of the time!

it IS magic!

Magic- A Belly Grows from The Panic Room Videos on Vimeo.

whip 'em out

staying connected

check out this amazing explanation (Midwife Thinking's Blog: The placenta - essential resuscitation equipment) of why it's so important not to cut the cord prematurely...nice to have our instincts/what we knew already so very nicely explained with good science.

Such a pity that premature cord clamping will likely increase rather than decrease as more and more people do cord blood banking, which, imho, is ignoring substantiated science and creating a problem now in deference to more theoretical science and insurance against a problem that may never occur.

welcome baby Emma Cate!

Wednesday, 8/18/10, 7lb 13oz
What a marathon, but your momma did it, with your help...thanks for finally turning! Your dad was right there, calm and funny and attentive every minute, helping your mom move through her fears and make today an joyous one.
Happy birthday Emma!

snippet of motherhood

School is still weeks away...yet today we had this exchange:

My 6yo:

Mom, on the first day of first grade, don't say, "I love you Sweetiepie - have a great first day - I'm so proud of you!" when I'm walking toward my school, OK? Just say, "I love you" in the car and I'll say it back. Or maybe you can say just, "I love you" when I'm walking away.

Me:

(gulp) OK. Wait - so I can say "I love you" when you're outside, just not the other stuff, right?

Him:

right

Me:

Got it. (sigh)

Him:

cool.

Welcome, baby Anamika!

Anamika Sydney (middle name for the city in which her folks became engaged - love that!)
5lb3oz of petit but lovely baby, born this morning, Sunday, August 1st.
Mika - your parents worked so hard all day and all night and are thrilled you are here...and what a treat to meet your grandparents and hear stories of family births and namings!

Welcome to the world!

take that, lame study on home birth dangers!

Home birth has been in the media a lot lately due to a recent study saying that although home birth is safe for low-risk moms, babies born at home had a 3x greater mortality rate. But how did they get that number? The American College of Nurse-Midwives' (ACNM response is great at picking apart the findings...bottom-line, it was a poorly done compilation.

In part, ACNM president, Holly Powell Kennedy, CNM, PhD, FACNM, FAAN, says the study is flawed because,

They included studies that did not distinguish between planned and unplanned home births. For example, if you had planned a hospital birth, but your labor progressed so quickly that you gave birth before you even made it to the hospital, then you wouldn’t have had a skilled attendant or necessary resources present.

In contrast, a planned home birth means that the woman and her health care provider have determined she is healthy, at low risk for complications, and has the necessary resources in place for a safe birth. By combining the two types of home births, the findings are limited.

Second, a meta-analysis is a way of combining the results of many studies. But in this case, there seems to be no clear reason as to which studies they included versus those they excluded. In fact, they actually did not include the best and by far largest study that's been done—which did not find a higher neonatal mortality rate.

Welcome Lilianna Sarah

Born Monday, 7/12/10 at 11:06pm, 7lbs even and 19' long.

You heard about the scheduled induction and decided to head out on your own - and when you did, man did you fly...so much so that I had to help the doctor catch you! Your momma was a rock star and your daddy rock solid ...enjoy the pictures of her examining you herself, complete with stethoscope and him cutting the cord - priceless. You are blessed with a wonderful family: auntie, uncles, grandparents and big dog brother, Whiskey Bob, who helped doula you throughout labor.

Welcome to the world, Lilianna!

sling it good!

be sure to watch until the end!

Happy Internal Activist Day

Happy Independence Day!

I went to yoga this morning and the talk at the start of class was about freedom and what that means. It so perfectly meshed with the choices we make around birth and life. Apologies for the ramble that is to come...I'm choosing (ha!) not to edit very much because that is my right! ;-)

I think we mostly think of that "Yahoo! I'm free!! School's out for summer!!" kind of feeling when we think about freedom. Other times we feel a lack of freedom and might say, "I'd love to, but my hands are tied". These can both be valid, but you never really have one without the other...with freedom comes responsibility. If we are free to choose, then we acknowledge that we are in charge at least of the things we are choosing. We always have freedoms if we choose to see them and take them on, even if those freedoms are small. Like in yoga, creating alignment in life, birth, death - it's a choice.

Many times we create the construct for ourselves that we have no choice because to do otherwise means that we have to take action. If someone is 39 weeks pregnant and knows deep down that she is not on the same page as her care provider, she might say she has no option but to hope for the best. Not true (unless she allows it to be). She might not have every choice - not all other providers will want to take her on, or maybe her insurance limits her choices, she could go into labor before switching. BUT, she does have a choice whether to continue in the relationship that is not working for her without entertaining her other options. She can try on other care providers for size...in fact, she might learn that the care provider she wanted to leave now may feel like the best choice after all...and then she CHOOSES to stay with an open heart, rather then stay because she feels she has no other option. That's powerful.

But I get it...feeling like someone else is in charge and calling the shots is appealing on a certain level. My mom is very ill and part of me just wants to sit back and let others tell us what to do...what is the best course of action, what will be easiest. I do get it on a deep level. And yet, I hope that I will find the courage to proceed with awareness, even if it is frightening or overwhelming. I know I have options, freedoms...and that they come with a price.

Ultimately, freedom is a good thing. So even if your only bit of freedom (it feels like) is to take three deep and relaxing breaths right at this moment, choose to do so, knowing that you are doing what you can. My yoga teacher would call this "internal activism" (I think! - I may be totally misinterpreting...) .
Happy Independence Day.
Happy Internal Activist Day too.

seeking doula in Portland, ME

This is for a friend of a client...due around 8/18...

fleeting

I always loved feeling my babies kick and wiggle when I was pregnant.
I often tell women in labor, as a reminder to check in with their babies, to pay attention...before long, that baby will be on the outside and those delicious internal movements once felt will be only a memory.

Welcome Ross Edward III

Born 6/15/10 (Flag Day +1) at 7:39pm, weighing 7lbs 3oz
Named for your proud papa & grandpa.
Worth the very long wait...12 years, 41 weeks and about 25 hours.
You looked right into your momma's eyes as she sang to you. You are so very wanted and loved already by your wonderful parents and fur sibling.
It was an honor to be there when you finally joined us.
By the way, I've never met a baby who calmly flirts moments after birth!
Happy birth day!

Welcome, Juliette!

I never cease to be awed by the strength of women, including your mom, Juliette! You were born at 6:30 this morning, a wonderful all-natural VBAC, cheered on by your ever-calm dad. A relatively quick and very intense labor followed by some long hours of pushing, but out you came, delicate and beautiful, 7lb 15oz. Congratulations to your parents and your big brother, J.

Happy birthday!

welcome Hunter Michael!

Born yesterday, 6/2/10, with a head of curly hair and weighing a lovely, if surprising, 9lbs 13oz!

After weeks of contractions, yesterday was the day and you, handsome boy, were born into a family so very full of love, partnership, kindness and strength - it was such a pleasure to witness your parents over the last months and then the final hours leading up to your birth!