06 September 2008

One by ONEsie


The organization MomsRising (as seen in the documentary, The Motherhood Manifesto) is working to bring important motherhood and family issues to the forefront of the country's awareness and create both cultural and legislative change. They have been quite involved in paid family leave in NJ. A current campaign, called The Power of ONEsie, is aimed at our leaders and those seeking office during this election, most recently at both conventions.
Imagine a beautifully presented long chain of decorated baby onesies stretching all around your state capital as a visual representation of the real people who need the policies being debated inside the imposing buildings...One by ONEsie, working together, we can show the nation that we are a creative and powerful force for good family policy, as well as help our politicians to pay attention to issues which have long been ignored.
I like the idea and sure hope that transparency & choices in birthing, the cesarean crisis, support for midwives and breastfeeding advocacy made it onto some of these ONEsies.

MomsRising is also seeking signatures on a
letter to Sarah Palin...
She's a mom, but where does she stand? In Gov. Palin’s Vice Presidential nomination speech we didn't hear much about the issues that mothers deal with each and every day like healthcare, fair pay, early learning, paid sick days, and flexible work.

I know I'm being immature but I'm not quite ready to communicate with this candidate. I get that it's the smart thing to do, I'm just not there yet.

05 September 2008

Your Body Rocks!


Tonight and through the weekend, you can see
BIRTH, the play in NJ.
Friday & Saturday September 5, 6 at 7pm and Sunday September 7th at 2pm at the Middletown Cultural Arts Center, 36 Church Street, Middletown, NJ, 07748.
BIRTH is a global arts-based movement inspiring communities to create childbirth choices that work for mothers. BOLD NEW JERSEY is one of several locations throughout the world organizing BOLD movements.
Check it out!

04 September 2008

frightened

So I watched the snide, sarcastic speeches last night. I saw glee on the faces of the crowd.
And it dawned on me for the first time that my soon-to-be 11 year old will be 18 in time to vote two elections from now.
That also means he would be old enough, should there be someone in the White House who wishes to continue this war and needs to resort to the draft in order to staff it with more warm, young bodies.
I have three sons.
I am terrified.

03 September 2008

My Beautiful Cervix


Well - not mine - my own personal cervix is a little camera shy. But I think it's fantastic that someone did this - a month in the life of a cervix. Very Our Bodies, Ourselves. And she refers to a book I love, Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which I think should be mandatory reading for all young women.

We need to know our lady parts! For an informative-in-a-fun-way post on said lady parts, check this out.

(the cervix pictures are in color, but it's nothing more colorful than the average woman sees every month anyway - check it out - it's cool!)

Btw, I learned of the cervix project here.

02 September 2008

control


Withholding (age-appropriate) information regarding reproduction and contraception clearly doesn't work much of the time. But it makes sense, I guess, in a culture in which birthing women are often given information selectively or with such strong spin so that they will just do as they are told, even if that means lining up for a host of unnecessary interventions. Actually, this seems to be working out as intended much of the time regarding birth - so many (but not all!!) women have completely abdicated decision making under great pressure from our culture and system. But we need only look at the family situation of the RNC's best & brightest (said with unkind scorn, I admit it), Sarah Palin, to see that a back up plan to abstinence is needed. (Check out this great post for more on this topic)

Why can't we trust people to know all the facts and options and then make informed decisions based on their family creed or the advice of their trusted care provider? It seems curious to me that some would rather trust a teen to make good decisions as a teen parent, altering the course of their entire life, than to trust them with knowledge of contraception in case abstinence isn't the ultimate choice they make.

Seems like many parents, churches and care providers don't feel secure in their positions as leaders and are withholding information, clutching at control, out of fear.

And it's not working.

Me? I like the wisdom of 38 Special: Hold On Loosely

back in the saddle again


"Just do it"...sometimes that's good advice & really the only way.
After a couple of months hiatus (for a groin muscle pull that lead to inertia), I dragged myself back to the gym today. Back to spin class. I don't mind saying, I was a little nervous. I have been telling myself that I should start smaller - treadmill etc. to work back up to spin. But you know what? I wasn't doing it. And really, what's the worst that can happen - that I go a little slower or have a sore bottom? Well, that's a given, no matter when I start back.
So I did it & I feel great. And I love my cool spin shoes & silly padded-butt shorts.
Sometimes the things we are fearing and dreading are not the real problem - it's the fear and dread themselves.
I plan to be more committed to regular, real exercise...but if I fall off the wagon (or saddle) again, I know I can really just choose to hop back on a bit down the road.

01 September 2008

breastfeeding & emergencies

The USBC (United States Breastfeeding Committee) issued a press release yesterday, which reads in part,
UNITED STATES BREASTFEEDING COMMITTEE
URGES SUPPORT OF
BREASTFEEDING IN EMERGENCIES

Washington, DC—As the Southeast prepares for Hurricane Gustav and other potential storms
during hurricane season, the United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC), a coalition of more than 40 organizations, including government agencies, non-governmental organizations, and health professional organizations, has issued a call to support breastfeeding mothers in their decision to give their infant the healthiest start in life possible.

USBC Chair Joan Younger Meek, MD, MS, RD, FAAP, FABM, IBCLC, affirms that
breastfeeding is the most important way to protect infants from a host of significant health concerns and is therefore especially critical in emergency situations where safe and sanitary water is not available, transportation is limited, and disease abounds.

According to Meek, this can include measures as simple as providing a safe and private area for women to breastfeed and receive counseling in large shelter environments, and helping women access the support of lactation consultants and other breastfeeding experts in the community. Women who chose not to breastfeed can be helped with "relactation" to bring in milk production, if desired. Both the International Lactation Consultant Association (www.ilca.org) and La Leche League International (www.llli.org) provide knowledgeable support personnel. Physicians from the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine and the American Academy of Pediatrics can also offer needed assistance to induce or continue lactation.
Just one more reason to support breastfeeding. I'm thinking good thoughts for this storm to lose power and spare NOLA and other areas still on the long road back from Katrina. Blessings to everyone impacted.

30 August 2008

be BOLD


As we head into this Labor Day weekend and prepare to say goodbye to summer, make plans to be BOLD (Birth on Labor Day): see BIRTH, the play by Karen Brody.
NJ's BOLD performance of BIRTH will be next weekend, details here.
I saw the performance last year in NYC and was blown away - powerful, visceral, wonderful. Don't miss it!

ahhh

I love my family. But I'm thankful that for about 36 hours I'm going to be able to love them from a distance (fingers crossed). They are going to PA to see family and I don't feel comfortable heading out because I have clients due soon. And frankly, I will enjoy some quiet. My "big" plans: tidy up (nice because I know it will stay that way, at least while they are off having fun), sleep and read! Sometimes one is NOT the loneliest number.
Sounds pretty great, huh? Don't be a hater.

29 August 2008

I'm a nerd - I admit it. but a hopeful one.



I took pictures of my TV screen last night as Obama accepted the nomination.

tooth hunt

There's an MIA tooth somewhere in my house - I think... my 7yo lost his front tooth yesterday & then actually lost it. Thanks to the god of teeth for finally taking this one, since it had been hanging there for nearly two weeks, twisted but not quite making a break for it. Once it was out, he was so excited that he wanted to show everyone in the neighborhood...and now it's gone.
Well, the tooth fairy lamely came anyway. He thought she had forgotten him, but apparently she had come on time, just not to his room because she got confused and thought he might have been sleeping elsewhere (a reasonable assumption in our house)...yeah - that's the ticket. whew.

28 August 2008

and so it begins

I was at a birth recently where, for the first time, the nurse sort of made a whole big thing about explaining that the mom was required by law to submit to another HIV test (though some who question HIV/Aids research call it the "so-called HIV test"). NJ law was recently changed (and changed and changed...the written legislation just kept getting worse & worse as it went along and the legislators got all emboldened by thinking they were on the side of the angels*). Women are now required to...well, I'll let the NY Times explain:

Under the law, women will be tested early in their pregnancies and again in their third trimesters unless they refuse. If a woman refuses, it will be noted, and an H.I.V. test will be performed on the newborn unless the mother has religious objections.

This mom had recently switched from an OB to midwives and had maybe not been retested (maybe - the nurse, let's call her Nurse Ratched, took the mom's recollection rather than asking the midwife or checking the records) in her third trimester. So she was given the option of donating some of her own blood to be tested now or waiting for her baby to be stuck. Of course she submitted. She was not told that she could decline. (we had talked about it in class & this mom was OK with being tested)

Why do I care? Not too long ago, I wouldn't have thought a thing about it...until I was asked to do an interview for a feature piece in The MotherHood (for which we took some heat and got lots of appreciation) and learned about the possibility of false positives on HIV tests during pregnancy or in newborns.

In a nutshell, here are my concerns (& the concerns of The MotherHood publisher, Lisa Duggan), published in an editorial in The Times of Trenton and relayed to our legislators in the state senate, where I spoke at hearings along with members of NOW, ACLU et al:

Today, bill S-2704, which proposes mandatory HIV testing for all pregnant women and newborns in New Jersey, is up for a vote. If the bill is approved, New Jersey would become the first state to require pregnant women to be screened for HIV twice -- once in the first trimester and again in the third trimester of pregnancy. The bill does include a provision allowing mothers to opt out of the screening, but this supposed freedom of choice is false, given that the bill also requires testing of newborn babies if the HIV status of the mother is unknown. This amounts to de facto testing of the mother's HIV status without her consent, as newborns carry their mothers' antibodies for the first 18 months of life.

Screening for HIV is currently an "opt in" choice for New Jersey women. The sufficiency of this method is borne out by a recent study conducted at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, which states in part: "A targeted campaign of testing and counseling aimed at those who are at high risk for HIV would be more effective than the mass patient screening proposed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention."If the legislative body of New Jersey is convinced that mass HIV testing is warranted, let its members begin with their own families: We challenge all members of the Senate, Assembly, the governor's office and each member of their respective households to submit to an HIV test before mandating mass testing for their constituents.

When Senate President Richard Codey proposed the bill most recently, he referred to it as a "no-brainer," despite the fact that HIV screening tests are known to cross-react with some 70 factors or conditions, including pregnancy and flu or other vaccinations, generating false positive test results. And in spite of the well-known fact that 60 percent of infants who test positive at birth will test negative at 18 months without anti-retroviral treatments.

An HIV positive test result, false or not, implies a prognosis of death in seven to 10 years and a lifetime prescription of toxic anti-retroviral medication to commence during pregnancy. It requires that a woman have a surgical birth. A woman testing positive will be prohibited from breastfeeding her child. Having a surgical birth and not being able to breastfeed are two factors known to contribute to postpartum depression, a serious public-health issue.

If readers are thinking that some false positive test results are a small price to pay for identifying true positives, we ask that they consider what testing positive actually means. If a woman's first HIV screening test is positive, she will have to carry this psychological burden for about two weeks, until confirmatory tests prove it to be negative. However, many wrongly diagnosed women will have to wait much longer than that before learning that they are truly not infected. More than half of all persons with primary false positive screening tests in low-risk populations (e.g., blood donors or pregnant women) can be expected to test indeterminate on their rapid confirmatory test. Test results can only be resolved as truly negative by repeat testing on samples taken one to three months into the future, and as the manufacturer of one confirmatory test states, "The psychosocial and medical implications of a [false] positive antibody test may be devastating."

When examining the fiscal realities of mass testing, we can look at the national analysis shown in the recent Johns Hopkins study. It determined that the CDC's mass testing strategy, on which the New Jersey bill is based, is likely to cost $864 million for one year: "For the same price, a targeted testing and counseling approach would identify more than three times as many people with HIV and could prevent four times as many new HIV infections compared to the CDC's testing strategy."

We're concerned that the bill is silent on many critical issues. No language in the current bill indicates, for instance, where funding for mass testing and requisite treatment will come. The bill does not address how state-mandated testing would compromise New Jersey's current medical privacy laws (HIPAA) or potentially result in the loss of insurance coverage for individuals and families.

Further, child custody or public assistance to families could be unfairly tied to compliance with this testing and advised treatment protocol. With the specter of child custody hanging over their heads, mothers and babies who test positive will be forced to take the currently recommended anti-retroviral drugs. These drugs are associated with serious potential side effects and are known to cause cancer and birth defects in animal studies. This is especially troubling for those mothers and children who are later proven through confirmatory testing to have been HIV negative all along.

Mandatory mass testing is neither dependable, nor cost-effective nor legally sensible for New Jersey. It violates a woman's right to make her own childbearing and medical decisions and can potentially lead to unwarranted and drastic medical treatment in the case of false positive results.

It is most certainly not a "no-brainer."

We urge each member with the power to vote on this legislation to study carefully all the available information on HIV testing and consider the fiscal and legal implications for the state before making testing and treatment mandatory for the women and children they serve.

I am NOT against testing when it is done out of informed choice. Especially when it is targeted. What I am against is yet another taking of women's ever-eroding dominion over their own bodies and the bodies of their babies.

Oh - and now apparently NJ has now made Vitamin K injections mandatory at birth for infants too...even the midwife didn't know about this one yet.

If you're still reading, thanks for hangin' in - I know this was a long one. But I should stop writing now - I need to make an appointment to take my kid in for that extra shot he now needs in order to be legal for middle school in NJ.

*at the hearings, I believe experts said there were some 6 cases of HIV positive infants last year in NJ - I'm going from memory of the specialist's testimony though

27 August 2008

welcome, Luke!

8lbs of beautiful baby. Enjoy this big world!
(gonna go out on a limb here & make a Star Wars reference: may the force be with you!)
Congratulations to your proud and joyous family!

it's true what they say





In the blink of an eye. That's how fast it goes.


My oldest baby...still in my belly eleven years ago. Now his once tiny baby feet are bigger than mine, officially...we bought shoes yesterday, skateboard sneakers, of course. Soon he'll be taller than I am.
I am off to middle school with him to get the lay of the land before school starts next week.
Wow.

26 August 2008

more birth & the convention

So I watched a big chunk of the convention last night - missed Ted Kennedy & am kicking myself, but I'll watch it on Youtube.

My take away from Michelle Obama's speech was this,
And one day, they — and your sons and daughters — will tell their own children about what we did together in this election. They'll tell them how this time, we listened to our hopes, instead of our fears. How this time, we decided to stop doubting and to start dreaming.
Of course that's what I want for this country, but it's also what I want for birthing women. That we might set our sights a little higher than just making it out alive. Of course that's the point, but it doesn't mean we have to plan our births, or our lives, only to avoid disaster. Birth, like life, can be full and beautiful and powerful if we make room for that possibility. Of course there are some births that will need to be about survival. But most births do not come down to that and do not need to come down to that, especially if we choose our birth team well. That means finding care providers who trust that birth works most of the time, if we let it.

Let's listen to our hopes, instead of our fears. Stop doubting and start dreaming. And then do whatever we can to make those dreams happen.

25 August 2008

"to our friends in labor"

You know you're pretty focused on birth when you hear Hillary give a shout out to "our friends in labor" during the opening of the Dem convention and you think, "wow- that's cool of her" and then realize she means organized workers and not birthing women!

24 August 2008

healing birth trauma

I was just reading mamablogess's birth activist blog and was so excited to learn of the newly created resource, Solace For Mothers. It was created as a place for women to talk about their challenging or traumatic births and begin the process of hopefully moving forward. There is an online community, resources and a place to call for support and referrals to local help.
"Sometimes moving on requires understanding what happened, mastering the story and the experience, and even breaking the silence about what occurred. At times, a woman is ready to take these steps toward healing immediately after her delivery. For some individuals, this process can come years after the experience. Challenging childbirth can have a sense of “freezing in time” until the silence can at last be broken."
I am thrilled to see this available, not only for my clients who might be working through a past birth, but for the many women who call just seeking some support and guidance...they have so many stories to tell and wounds to heal - this seems like a place where that can happen. I am also thrilled that they will provide consultations and education to those of us who work in birth so that we can be better prepared to listen and serve.
Brava to the creators!
And brava to Nicole, another birth blogger, for her wonderful & comprehensive post on this topic.

23 August 2008

nice turn out


Good to see all the ladies who came out to the birth open house today at Shakti. It was cool to meet these (obviously self-selecting) women where are open to change or doing what it might take to have the births they want.
And the chocolate truffles by a local chocolatier, (Nadine Kerstan/Chocolate Polka Dot) on which Gayle Lemke (director of Shakti Ma) and I collaborated were fantastic! Remember, chocolate helps get the oxytocin flowing!

For more of those truffles and more empowering information on birth, don't forget to save the date & register for the October 12th event we are doing at SOPAC: "Conception, Pregnancy & Birth ...the journey that shapes our lives", with screenings of Orgasmic Birth & The Business of Being Born, and what promises to be a mind-blowing seminar with Anna Verwaal.

Scroll down to the bottom of this blog page to see all the details.

22 August 2008

RIP, Buddy

The counterpart to birth is death.

A dear family friend, Buddy Harman, died last night...my dad will be a pallbearer for his old friend. The heartbreak in my dad's voice was hard to hear.
Buddy was a legendary drummer ("the most recorded drummer ever"), someone you have heard play a 1000 times without knowing it. Take a listen to Crazy (Patsy Cline), Bye Bye Love (Everly Brothers), Ring of Fire (Johnny Cash), Stand By Your Man (Tammy Wynette), Viva Las Vegas (Elvis Presley) or Pretty Woman (Roy Orbison), to name just a few. He played regularly on the Grand Ole Opry & was recognized by The Country Music Hall of Fame for creating the "Nashville Sound".

I knew none of this as a kid, spending nights with his family every week - he was just our friend. My best to Marsha, Summer, Autumn, Mark & the rest of his family.

reminder

Free birth open house tomorrow, Saturday.

she put a spell on me

Well...it's happened - one more hurtle of growing up, getting older. I bought a pair of "readers" today...those ubiquitous little reading glasses that "mature" (God, how I hate that word in this context) people wear. They are actually cute though - orange & minimal.
At my last eye check up the doctor told me that since I'd turned 40 I would likely need them. I told her that I was seeing just fine, thank you very much. Then almost immediately I started to notice that the lights needed to be a little brighter or I was squinting. Today I just decided to embrace it & actually be able to enjoy the book I'm reading (with its ridiculously small print). Embrace my future crone!

21 August 2008

strange fruit

























Photos I took of the Australia's Strange Fruit, performing in my town yesterday.
...surreal & beautiful.

the road to hell


It's paved with mangos. Or maybe it's mangoes. I know - how about just spelling it c-r-a-c-k? Because that's about how addictive they are, in spite of being tree ripened, fat fee and high in vitamin C. The fact is that they are coated in the most delicate dusting of sugary goodness and I have actually induced stomachaches in myself from eating too many at once. Must I give up my Costco membership & remove temptation?

20 August 2008

black or white

so I changed the look a bit from black to white, different color font - what do you think? easier to read? I'll sit with it for a while.

what's for dinner?


I should be grocery shopping instead of sitting at my computer. I have no idea what to make for dinner. Procrastinating for a few more minutes, I read this, linked to here.


If it seems unimaginable that a working, insured mom would need to take her kids to a soup kitchen, not to volunteer but to eat, then read it and contemplate what "working poor" really looks like. wow.

19 August 2008

run check out the moon!

it's spectacular...HUGE & so close!

Free Open House & Workshop Offerings

For those expecting or with newer babies:

I will be facilitating a few free workshops this weekend,
Saturday, 8/23/08 at Shakti Ma in Maplewood

11:30-12:15 How Will You Give Birth?  Explore Your Options.
12:30-1:15 Navigating Hospital Protocols & Procedures
2:15-3p  Meet the doulas - Q&A

The entire day is free of charge & should be great, with many local experts donating their time.  There will be several cool breakout sessions, including baby wearing, infant massage, VBAC discussion with local OB Winsome Parchment and much more.  

For a complete schedule & directions:  Shakti Ma

All sessions are first come but you may sign up for your favorites in advance via Shakti.

18 August 2008

sweetie

Sweetie. That's the generic term of endearment I call my kids. I sometimes say it with clenched teeth when I want to call them anything but something dear. I imagine, or tell myself in order to feel better, that anyone with more than one kid, or at least more than two, must rely on pet names because it's tough to remember who you're talking to sometimes. Or is it just me? Early onset losing-my-mind? Like a caricature of a harried mom, I sputter through all of their names before landing on the right one and frequently end up saying, "you know who I'm talking to!" So "sweetie" or "lovey" are my defaults. Almost never "honey", but sometimes "doodle-do" or "my friend" (our babysitter has claimed "pumpkin").

Does this make me as bad as some L&D nurses who just call birthing couples "mom" & "dad" instead of their names? Guess I'm in no position to judge.

17 August 2008

random



DoulaBoy3: "Mom?!"
Me: "hold on - I'm in the bathroom"
DB3: "I just need you to put my socks on me" (barges in, ignoring my requests for privacy/respect of personal space)
Me: "I'll be out in a second"
DB3: "ughhh - I hate you mom!"
Me: ( willing self not to respond dramatically), "sorry to hear that"

DB3: "actually, mom, I don't hate you"

full moon

So the full moon came & went. No birth so far (I know some people think this is a myth, but I, along with others, think there is something to it). This is a first time mom (more likely to give birth at about 41 weeks) and not actually even due for a few more days, but I kind of hoped...well, I suppose the lunar pull could still happen...many say the impact is felt for the days surrounding a full moon.
It's not that I'm wishing the birth were over at all. It's just that I start to get itchy when I have not attended a birth for a couple of weeks. And I know that I am entering the phase of extra high-alert where I will double check that my cell ringer is on even more than I already do and start thinking about childcare contingency plans (also more than I already do).

Oh well, patience, grasshopper.

How about you - what wacky things do you do when waiting for births?

16 August 2008

The Birth Survey - transparency


Many times when I speak with women about their past birth experiences, there is a recurring theme of feeling they were really not heard, that their concerns were minimized or brushed off. One step in the right direction is to try to help women be philosophically aligned with their care providers going forward. Hopefully care providers are offering evidence-based, mother-friendly care - to know all of this is called transparency. It can also be incredibly healing to be able to be heard now, even if it is after the fact.

Take The Birth Survey & let your voice be heard! See the results and view intervention rates.

"The Birth Survey is structured around the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services (CIMS) evidence-based 10 Steps to Mother-Friendly Care and other quality of care indicators. The creation of The Birth Survey has been inspired by Childbirth Connection's Listening to Mothers Survey (Harris Interactive, October 2002)...

...We hope that the Transparency in Maternity Care Project will provide information that will help women make fully informed maternity care decisions.

We also believe that maternity care practitioners and institutions must have access to feedback from their patients..."

15 August 2008

tastes like chicken


What's in your fridge?

Bet you don't have a duck head!
(I've taken out the original picture of the duck head in question - seems too lurid in retrospect)

yech...I was cleaning out the refrigerator & came across the remnants of a wonderful family meal in Chinatown two+ weeks ago - Peking Duck. When the chef guy presented the duck to the table before carving, my 7.5 yo asked if he could have the head. I mentally tried to recall if this was on the list of telltale signs of a future serial killer but since the duck was already dead & chef guy seemed to nod with new respect at my son, I tried not to worry. So we brought it home, of course, and I silently congratulated myself for being a cool mom (holy hubris!). I can imagine what someone might think when reading this: yes - it was disturbing to see the disembodied head while I ate the flesh; yes, as a meat eater I really should feel comfortable seeing where my food comes from or not eat it at all; yes, I thought this might be a sign I should be a vegetarian; yes, we did do a mock Aflac ad while dining (come on - I'm just being real).

We also have some left over goat meat that our wonderful Trinidadian babysitter dropped by, along with roti & chana - the kids love her cooking.

We have some ground flax seed - not ground enough, I say - I was chewing bits of something in my breakfast smoothie this morning.

And we have some octopus ceviche, left over from dinner at a Mexican place the other night. The kids thought it tasted just like chicken. I think (know) that we eat out too much.

So what's in your fridge?

14 August 2008

pregnant & miss lying on your stomach?


Here's what I did when I was in that situation (but I body surfed too, so you you may not want to listen to me)

  • go to the beach
  • dig a hole
  • lay towel on sand, over hole
  • lie down & dig your toes in the sand
  • that's it - enjoy. nice, huh?
btw, I checked with Grammar Girl to make sure I was correctly using lay/lie...that always confused me, but no more!

13 August 2008

swimming with jellyfish












We spent a few days at the beach...

We even went on a rainy day on purpose, in hopes of better waves and had a blast. We made it back to the car just as the first claps of thunder started (don't judge, people - I know I'm a mom & need to be safe - we were & it was fun!)

For some reason, the jellyfish were thick - I've never seen it like that before. The clear ones are harmless; the ones with reddish-brown tentacles can sting, but there were, thankfully, only a few of them.

We think a lot of them were dead already, so we didn't feel too bad about discovering that you can skip them like stones - at least they were getting a chance to get back in the water (she says somewhat sheepishly, trying to feel better about letting her kids skip jellyfish)...

(BTW, DoulaBoy3 was playing on the beach w/DoulaDad - he's just not wave-ready yet)




12 August 2008

Plan C

I was reading a post on another blog by a woman who is trying to recover from a (third) cesarean (while raising her 5 children) and having a tough time. She is getting no support from some people who think she should just pull herself up by her bra straps, as it were, and be fine and dandy after a few days. I posted a comment & it got me thinking...

People are such asshats sometimes - they want women to be all better & not need anything so that they can feel comfortable. When they ask "how are you", you feel like you are supposed to say "fine" to let them off the hook. And then offer them a cup of coffee, maybe a sandwich and some witty conversation. (It goes without saying that in this sort of scenario, one should be freshly showered, made up and fitting into one's skinny jeans already, with the laundry done and house gleaming). Oy.

Having babies can be wonderful & it can be hard - it's usually both at the same time, even without having to recover from major surgery...too bad that many folks have internalized the Hallmark version of birth & babies & life - that it should all be a glossy lens view of sweet bliss. If it were that way though, it would probably be pretty grim, without any texture in the long run. But in the moment, in the short run, it can kind of suck sometimes. Especially if you are told not to feel the way you do and it seems like you're letting people down, killing the fantasy.

Speaking of tough cesarean stories...I have a would-be client - she has had two prior cesareans and thought she had a doctor/midwife team supporting a VBA2C. She is a nurse and is incredibly well-informed. They have just told her they changed their minds. Game over. Thanks for playing. She is crushed & I wish I could make this different for her. I will offer her information on making it about the birth & not the surgery, but she has every right to her feelings...

Of course a healthy mom & baby is what ultimately matters, but it's not the only point...let's set our sights higher when possible.

Why cesarean rates matter

One compelling statistic when judging a nation against others is the maternal mortality rate. It's a huge indicator of whether a country is first world or below, the prosperity of that country etc. Or is it?

The US is the top of the heap for many things, but safety in giving birth isn't one of them. We rank number 41st in the world for maternal mortality, with 13.1 maternal deaths per 100,000 live births. That means there are 40 countries where it is safer to give birth:

It is safer to give birth in the following countries: Australia, Austria,Belgium,Bosnia and Herzegovina, Bulgaria, Canada, Chile, Croatia, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Finland, France,Germany, Greece, Hungary, Iceland, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, Kuwait, Latvia, Lithuania, Luxemborg, Malta, Netherlands,New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Quatar, Slovakia, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, The former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, and the United Kingdom

But here's the kicker...because of NJ's status as highest in the nation for cesarean rates, if we were our own country, NJ would be 51st (down from the already deplorable 41st that is the US ranking), with 21 deaths per 100,000 live births! (and this is based on old 2004 stats - the numbers have gotten worse)

In addition the the 40 countries the US (as a whole) ranks behind, NJ would also be behind: Bahamas, Barbados, Balaras, Brunei Darussalam, Republic of Korea, Saudi Arabia, Serbia and Montenegro, Singapore, Ukraine, Uruguay.

Props to ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) of Somerset County, NJ for pulling together this information. According to their calculations based on CDC statistics,

The NJ maternal death rate is 60% higher than the US average.

So this isn't a simple debate of birthing preferences - this is life & death, if not for us then for our neighbors right here in NJ.

NYC cesarean rate has incread 24% in six years, but NJ can still say, "We're #1!"



The sky's the limit for cesarean surgery rates, apparently. I was reading Radical Doula & saw that like just about everywhere, NYC cesarean rates are on the rise, averaging about 31% (with many hospitals or care providers being much higher). A recent story on NY-1 highlights the research compiled by the New Space For Women's Health & Choices in Childbirth. They found a 24 percent jump in c-section rates throughout the city in just six years (2000-2006).
“We're concerned because we believe that there isn't enough information about the risks of cesarean section,” said New Space for Women's Health executive director Rebecca Benghiat.

Her group claims the higher rates could be linked to malpractice fears, lack of informed choices, and increasingly casual attitudes about surgery.


At least NJ doesn't have to feel bested by NYC on this issue - our rates are, sadly, even higher. NJ's preliminary 2006 rate, according to the CDC , is 37.4% of all births or 38.9% according to 2007 NJ health statistics (and you can bet the 2008 rates will be higher still). That makes NJ number one in the US again, unless you count Puerto Rico (a whopping 48%, which is still lower than St. Barnabas right down the road from me: 49.4%!). Certainly more that the 10-15% suggested by the World Health Organization...hell, I'd take Utah's 21.5%!

03 August 2008

where is everyone?

Taking the weekend off, I guess. Almost all the bloggers I turn to in moments (hours?) of procrastination seem to have closed their laptops & gone out to play this weekend.

You know how some people keep a tally of what they spend or eat? I think I should look into writing down my on-line time...that whole idea of, "well - I don't want to have to write it down & see in black & white that I do it too much, so maybe I won't do it at all right now"

Nah - never mind. But maybe I will go out & play.

02 August 2008

Our own birth house



Yesterday we were in the car & were about to drive by the house where we used to live.
As I often do, I said, "say Hi Old House" to the boys.



As we passed, E shouted,
"Hi house where I was born! Mommy - remember when I was born in that house?!" ...Yes I do!

30 July 2008

True love waits!


I saw a funny post on another mom's blog: abstinence pants!


"Hey, you! Look at my BUTT! I'm a virgin!"

Well, how about a new use for these here pants? Moms, newly postpartum or otherwise & certainly not virginal, who just want to send a message to their beloved to back the flerk off...like, "Honey, I love you and all, but can't I just watch "Project Runway", meditate on what Dr. Sears calls being "touched out" & get some sleep? Come on, babe - true love waits!"

Matilda!

Born last night! Welcome to the world & congrats to your super cool parents & lovely big sister! I hear it's the redheads who really have more fun - way to go! You're in for lot's of fun, little one...

"Another risk of cesarean surgery"

From the excellent blog, Spinning Babies:

"A 26-yr old woman was 8-weeks pregnant and experiencing some light bleeding. Her previous birth was by cesarean section. When an ultrasound was done to see the cause of her bleeding the technician could find no baby in her womb. Instead, the baby was developing in the separating edges of her cesarean scar!"

Read more, including the outcome .

29 July 2008

Groaning Cake


From Ami McKay's The Birth House (read it!):

Groaning Cake
The tradition of the groaning cake, or kimbly at (or following) a birth is an ancient one. Wives' tales say that the scent of a groaning cake being baked in the birth house helps to ease the mother's pain. Some say if a mother breaks the eggs while she's aching, her labour won't last as long. Others say that if a family wants prosperity and fertility, the father must pass pieces of the cake to friends and family the first time the mother and baby are "churched" (or the first time they go to a public gathering) after a birth. Many cultures share similar traditions…a special dish, bread, or drink, spiced with cinnamon, all spice, and/or ginger. At one time there was even a "groaning ale" made to go with it…

I made groaning cake the day of my son's home birth and my neighbour brought me "health bread" the day after the birth. This recipe is a combination of the two. It has apple, molasses, orange juice and spices and can really help to see a woman through a long labour, or give her strength after the birth!

2 ½ Cups Flour
3 eggs
2 tsp. Baking powder
½ Cup oil
1 tsp. Baking soda
½ Cup orange juice
2 tsp. Cinnamon
¼ Cup molasses
½ tsp. Ground cloves
1 1/3 Cups sugar
1 ½ cups apple (grated, no skin)
1 tsp. Almond extract


Sift dry ingredients together. Add apple. Beat eggs. Add oil, orange juice, molasses and sugar. Add to dry ingredients. Mix well. Add almond extract. Bake at 350 F. for 35-40 minutes. Makes two 9 X 5 loaves or about 18 muffins.

Additions: raisins, dates, dried fruits, or nuts.

Takin' its time


Ever wonder what ovulation looks like? Check out story here.

"theories had suggested an "explosive" release for the egg, but the ovulation he witnessed took 15 minutes to complete"

28 July 2008

One degree of separation

I got a nice call today from a reader of The MotherHood. She is a new to the magazine and thought I might be able to help her find a pediatrician who will meet her where she is and will listen to her concerns respectfully. I shared with her my experiences of our family pediatrician, also a columnist for the magazine. I gave her other names as well.
We chatted a bit and she told me that her first three births were in a (now closed) NYC birthing center and that her last birth was at home...with the same midwife who attended me at my own last birth...small world!

26 July 2008

Labor, virtually

I was checking out a (natural) birth website & saw this Virtual Labor game. Why not take a few trial runs & be reminded of some comfort measure options?
It's fun & you could even play some nice music, dim the lights and drink some RRL tea to set the mood!

25 July 2008

Happy Day Out Of Time


My friend Jill, also a doula, came for a visit today (& brought me my favorite carrot muffin - thanks Jill!). She mentioned that tomorrow (now today) is the Day Out Of Time, and how wonderful it would be to attend or give birth on this day. What a perfect description of birth - timelessness, only this contraction, only now, a fresh start. And then there is that whole connection to how estimated due dates are calculated on a 28 day lunar month...
I thought it was such a cool concept that I decided to look it up & share:

as blogged on Verbal Viagra:
July 25th is the Gregorian Calendar’s date known as The Day Out of Time because it’s the 365th day of the Thirteen Moon Calendar. This harmonic timing standard measures the year in thirteen even months of 28 days each, a perpetual calendar of 52 perfect weeks, making a total of 364 days. The 365th day is technically not a day of the week or month at all, but truly ‘A Day Out of Time’. For this reason, this special day is observed as the day to cancel debts, to pardon and forgive, and to celebrate life through art and culture… So Happy Day out of Time, it’s a good day to make a fresh start! Make it a good one.

So to all the birthing women, to those who love and support them, to all the babies born, and to Jill, happy Day Out Of Time!


quote from The Birth House

If women lose the right to say where and how they birth their children,
then they will have lost something that's as dear to life as breathing.

The Birth House by Ami McKay

24 July 2008

Like Oxytocin For Chocolate

I was just speaking with a pregnant mom who was beating herself up for her chocolate cravings and hunger level in general. She's fit and quite slim, but her current care provider (wrongly) suggested to her that pregnant women should gain no more than 20 - 25 pounds...well, that's a topic for another day, but I assured her that she should not be restricting healthy food, as she's growing a human being, so it makes sense that she's hungry!...And some chocolate can actually be good for us. Not only that, but it can help get our brain in the blissful place it needs to be to conceive, give birth to and mother a baby. It's all about the oxytocin!
Plus, doesn't it make sense that experiencing joy is good for growing a baby?

14 July 2008

just for fun

I dare you not to smile or well up in tears...

perfect day


I have lots of ideas about how a perfect day could be spent. Yesterday was one of those days.

I was woken up by an early morning call that a labor was happening. Hooray - Sunday & kids were covered since my husband was home. It would take some juggling with his tennis game, but no big deal. I knew they had fun plans to spend the day at the pool and Maplewoodstock. And no one else due at the moment so no conflicts - just this birth to consume me for how ever long it lasts. All extra special because I leave for Ann Arbor tomorrow and really wanted to be at this birth.

Contractions had been happening on and off since around her July 4th due date and I felt pretty certain it would all work out and I would get to be there. Thanks, perhaps, to acupuncture, massage, homeopathics and some special castor oil eggs,things were moving. Although it was a somewhat unique VBAC where lots of people could name all sorts reasons it shouldn't work out, I felt calm that it would go well and fairly fast; not sure why. Having a client who is so upbeat and just willing is a joy and I think it helps the birth.

Funny thing: A childbirth class was taking a tour and thought we were part of the show. They actually followed us to the room, so I snapped their picture.

Throughout the birth, even though it was amazingly hard work for the momma, she manifested gratitude throughout. Thankful for her super husband and the spaces in between. The nurse & doctor commented that they were the most friendly & grateful people to come through in a long time.

The birth, as noted below, was fantastic. And I made it home in time to see my family and sleep in my own bed...perfect. I love it when it all works out, as it so often does.

13 July 2008

Lucy!


Welcome baby Lucy! You're just stunning & look so much like your big sister. Wow - what a day - so wonderful to see you born just the way your parents wanted. A victorious VBAC! It didn't come easy - so much preparation and planning came to fruition. How wonderful to be with your awesome momma & poppa again - words can't say how cool I think they are. They did what lots of people have a hard time doing; rather than just asking for advise & then finding it too hard to follow through, they did it all. Thanks again to Dr. P, who is truly a guardian of birth in the best sense. Tears of joy, tears of joy!

12 July 2008

A Matter Of Life Or Death



From White Ribbon Alliance:




Dear Global Leaders
,

Every minute of every day a woman dies in pregnancy. That's half a million women dying each year; over 80% of these deaths are avoidable. This is inexcusable and it has to stop now. You can help do this.

We write to you, our leaders, on behalf of all women – please do what you can to put this issue at the top of the political agenda.

These shameful statistics have remained unchanged for 20 years. At this year's G8 and the UN Secretary General's MDG Summit, we insist on a breakthrough. Please, do what you can to help make it happen.

On behalf of us all.
With urgent best wishes
your name here

(if you sign you'll be in the company of lots of famous folks, extraordinary activists & lots of normal folks like me)

11 July 2008

"Home delvery is a mother's birthright"

OK - lame headline that calls to mind pizza or Chinese food. But nonetheless, it's the headline of an editorial by "Pushed" author, Jennifer Block, in today's New Jersey Star Ledger (along with a huge drawing of a mother and baby). It originally appeared in the Los Angeles Times yesterday under a different (better) headline.

It's worth the read for the opening sentence alone!
"You'd think the healthcare establishment would have bigger fish to fry than Ricki Lake. (The 47 million uninsured, maybe?)"
Check it out. You can let the Star Ledger know what you think at Eletters@starledger.com

Oh Thank Heaven For 7-11!





Because 7-11 is not just home of the Slurpee, but is also the birthday of my dear friend and partner in crime, Carrie! HAPPY 35th Birthday Carrie! In honor of today, I enjoyed my free Slurpee from 7-11 & I raised it high in a birthday toast... ;-)
Carrie & her family spend every July in the great state of Michigan and I'm missin' her something fierce...so DoulaBoy3 (good buddies with Carrie's youngest) & I will head out next week to pay them a visit and attend Art Fair in Ann Arbor - yipee!
PS: I really like the Slurpee spoon-straw (not everyone agrees though)

10 July 2008

Mabel


Good things come to those who wait...welcome to the world baby Mabel...your momma sure worked long & hard to have you but it was worth the wait - you're lovely! (even your footprints are excellent!)
Could I be any luckier? After attending your wondrous birth I went out into the sunshine, got coffee and headed to a favorite soon-to-be birthing momma (owner of the henna tattooed belly seen here) to give her some encouragement and care. All the while, knowing that my husband had successfully gotten the kids settled in bed last night and up and out to camp this morning, with a little help from (our) friends.
Life is good. I need a nap.

09 July 2008

cue Tom Petty

"...the waaaiting is the hardest part..."

I'm waiting to hear back from a client in labor today.
I try to manifest patience, really I do. But the life of a birth doula includes a lot of waiting by the phone. It's not like my pride is on the line, waiting for a boy to call me as a teenager - I know my clients will eventually call. But until they do, I'm on endless hold, only with better music playing and more adrenaline pumping.

Once I know someone is in a little bit of labor, but not ready for support, I'm on pins and needles waiting for THE call - the call to join them. Until it comes, I'm a bit of an OCD juggler, going over my plans for childcare and pickups and backup doulas (oh my!). Should I sleep or have more coffee? Is my stuff ready? Any more calls to make? Has my phone rung? Is the ringer even on? OM.

Sometimes I try to invoke Murphy's Law and start a recipe or project that's involved, so hopefully I'll get called at an inopportune moment, which is actually what I wanted to have happen in the first place.

But mostly I just wait, trying to practice what I preach and trust that it will happen the way it's supposed to.

08 July 2008

grrl power

What is it about some people that just make you feel like you can confess? I seem to be one of those people to whom others feel comfortable offering up the deep, dark stuff. But there are some people with whom I immediately feel that way too & just spill it. And I mean stuff I have barely admitted to myself. It happened today in Target. No - I didn't just grab a stranger and start unburdening myself. I ran into a friend, a particularly cool friend from book club (who is an acupuncturist - you know who you are!) and within seconds I was (we were) chatting away about all sorts of things - lady things/mom things - just things. Do men do this? I don't think so, which is just one more reason I'm happy to be a woman.

02 July 2008

Maybe Mary had it better than we thought!



Something to think about: when preparing for birth, we need to find ways to have the environment suit us and not the other way around...if we do so, there will likely be less distress and less need for interventions. I'm just sayin'...


Excerpted from "Safer Birth in a Barn?" Beth Barbeau
Midwifery Today Issue 83

"The protocols in the world of animal husbandry to protect an offspring at the time of birth - no strangers, dimmed lights, freedom of movement, familiar environment, unlimited nourishment, respectful quiet, no disruptions - are done without hesitation because to do otherwise invites "unexplained distress" or sudden demise of the offspring. These thoughtful conditions are the norm, along with careful observation to determine when to use the technological expertise in true emergencies. When we have veterinarians in our childbirth education classes, they always start to smile and nod when I tell this story. These are givens - instinctive givens, even, for animals of all descriptions!

Yet what are the "givens" for the human who births not in a barn, but in a "modern and advanced" hospital? In many cases, 100% the opposite! Usually a minimum of a dozen strangers pass through the world of the laboring mother in her first 12 hours in the hospital - security officer, patient transporter, triage secretary, admission clerk, triage nurse, resident and/or doctor on call, admitting nurse, first shift nurse, break nurse, additional nurse at delivery, doctor or midwife plus possibly students, anesthesiologist, pediatrician, etc. Bright lights in the triage and labor rooms are challenging to dim. Mothers are tethered to monitors or IV poles and are moved through a bright hall with unfamiliar sounds to a new room in a building devoted to illness/trauma that most have visited once briefly if at all. They receive poor quality "clear liquids only." They are exposed to voices of others in the hall or chatting by the attendants during contractions and endless disruptions throughout! But then, do we ever find that we have an offspring experience "unexplained distress?" Of course, and at frightening rates! Yet, oddly, many of these disruptions are promoted as minor inconveniences or necessary to "protect" the baby.

Curiously, while veterinarians commonly have to defend interventions in light of the additional cost and the risks associated with interfering with nature, providers caring for human mothers within the medical system more commonly are forced to defend why they did NOT intervene! Consider the high rates of inductions, epidurals, artificial rupture of membranes, immediate cord cutting, cesareans and the vigorous defense necessary to fight for anything different, especially if time is involved (time to go into labor, to progress, to push, to allow the cord to stop pulsation or to get "done" bonding). I've recently seen outstanding CNMs and obstetricians sacrifice their own political reputations and suffer departmental reprimands for births with great outcomes where they protected the mothers' yearning for privacy, allowed extended pushing time with great vital signs or, during a healthy normal birth, followed their intuition and honored the mother's begging to check heart tones frequently by hand during pushing instead of what the mother considered the massive intrusion of wearing the monitor belt. Interventions are considered to be the ultimate protection from litigation in human care, yet they contribute mightily to the high rates of distress in mothers and babies!

In animal husbandry, the first line of defense for protecting the unborn is to protect and nurture the nutritional needs and comfort of the birthing female. In the case of institutionalized birth for humans, however, in spite of evidence to the contrary, the norm is to act as if the nutritional needs and the comfort of the birthing mothers are of concern to, at most, the marketing and public relations department! It's an affront to common sense that as a society we are currently more accepting of the needs of foaling mares, whelping poodles and high-producing cows than of our birthing humans. From the high rates of fetal distress, meconium staining and breastfeeding problems, the consequences are clearly devastating to our infants, just as any decent horseman would predict."