a lovely, UPbeat look at Down's

Do yourself a favor and check out Ups and Down's Syndrome with sabrina bean photography. I bet it will change you in some way...I found this very touching, for I was once the doula in a very similar situation and that baby is surpassing all expectations now, just like this little girl...happy birthday to her.
The poem from their doula, which could apply to anyone's birth story:

“When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

cue the circus music...

...'cause I need to do some major juggling. Such is the life of a doula who happens to be the mom of three (or the other way around, I suppose)...who is also hosting a playdate and has to pickup from afterschool activities. And make sure the dog goes out. And there is some food to eat. Feels a bit like a game of poker...depending on which card is dealt next, everything could go perfectly smoothly (and I'm not even talking about the labor) or not...ah, adrenaline....guess I won't have that second cup of coffee!

*hey - is that a birth ball on which the circus performer is standing? ;-)

ties that bind

I am cooking and realized well into the recipe that I had forgotten an ingredient. I ran to the store close to my house...and proceeded to bump into many people I know, most of whom I know because I was there when their babies were born. So satisfying to get to see baby cheeks give way to big girl teeth or learn that a big boy can now put on a jacket by himself...so sweet to see weariness turn to ease in these now-experienced mothers. A true blessing.

happy groundhog day!

I love that my doula (now midwife) from my first birth (that son is now 13) sends out Groundhog Day greetings...and that I'm still on the list...
This was the first year they were not handmade little cards...technology does make staying in touch so much easier though - I don't blame her. It's just a happy little reminder of just about the biggest event in my life...the experience helped shape me and is, in large part, why I do what I do now. Thanks Chris!


The picture she included is the one at the top & here's the quote:

As the light grows longer The cold grows stronger If Candlemas be fair and bright Winter will have another flight If Candlemas be cloud and rain Winter will be gone and not come again A farmer should on Candlemas day Have half his corn and half his hay On Candlemas day if thorns hang a drop You can be sure of a good pea crop –

Doulas go to Washington

Are you a doula & free on March 11th? If so, what about a road trip?

HealthConnect One and members of its National Community-based Doula Network are heading to Washington, DC to advocate for continued funding for community-based doula programs in the FY11 federal budget.

There will be a National Doula Network reception at the DC Birth Center on Wednesday evening March 10th, and Doula Lobby Day activities on Capitol Hill, Thursday March 11th.

"HealthConnect One has reserved a block of rooms for overnight stay on Wednesday March 10th at the DoubleTree Washington, 1515 Rhode Island Ave. NW. Please call the hotel directly to make a reservation at 1-800-492-5195. When you call to book your room, please state that you are part of the HealthConnect One Network meeting, in order to take advantage of our $175/night room rate (including breakfast). The deadline for the room block rate is February 15th. You will need to provide a valid credit card number upon booking.

We will begin the Lobby Day activities by attending Senator Richard J. Durbin's constituent coffee on Thursday morning (8:30am-9:30am). We encourage you to schedule visits with your congressional delegation from 10am-noon. HealthConnect One will then host a lunch de-brief session from 1pm-4pm at the DoubleTree Washington following our morning visits on Capitol Hill.

Please let us know by Thursday, February 11, 2010 if you are able to attend!

We can assist you with making appointments with your U.S. Senators' and Representative's offices to request a visit (with your elected official or their health legislative assistant). Further information on Doula Funding talking points will also be provided when you register.

We hope that you will be able to join us for these Lobby Day activities, and that your organization can support your travel expenses. HealthConnect One has a small budget to support travel costs, so if you would like to join us, but your organization is unable to cover travel costs, please contact Mac Grambauer at mac@lmcalpine.com.

For those of you who cannot come with us to Washington, we suggest that you call your elected officials in Washington on March 10 and 11, and ask for their support to continue the funding for community-based doula programs in the FY11 budget.

born again: September 11th

I just learned that a friend of mine decided to start her family eight years ago today; she now has three beautiful kids. I know another who found out on that same date that she was expecting her first child; she also now has three.

Though I had two already and would go on to have a third, the new life that began gestating in me that day was the life I currently lead: being a doula.

I was an attorney and had a pretty cushy job. Everyone said so. I was home-officed most of the time, worked with nice people, was good at what I did and was well compensated for it. And I was bored. Uninspired. And it made the rest of my life poorer as a result.

Although I did not have an epiphany on September 11, 2001, the feelings of needing to make life count, really count, did reawaken that day. Emboldened by my ability to pay off school loans as a result of my grandmother's passing on August 31 of that year, I was able (with my husband's full support) to leave law behind. Things clicked into place quickly and easily and by the end of that year I was on my path.

I am sorry for those lost, including co-workers and members of my community. Like many, I can easily be brought to tears remembering every detail of that beautiful, horrible day. And yet I am grateful for all the life that grew out of it.

doula anthology

Debra Pascali-Bonaro, director of Orgasmic Birth and birth advocate/doula trainer passed this along on behalf of someone collecting stories about doulas for a book...please consider participating by writing your own story of connection with a doula or (if you are a doula) pass this along to former clients and care providers & other doulas who might like to help:

Dear Doulas,

Please help submit stories for an anthology about doulas.
Editor seeks true, first-person accounts from moms, dads, midwives, docs, nurses,
and others present at doula-supported birth. What did you experience,
observe, feel, learn, reflect upon? How were you moved, changed by the
experience? What can you share with prospective parents, reluctant
practitioners, passionate advocates? Send double-spaced
MSWord attachment (2,000 w. max) + 50 w. bio by Aug. 31.
eclift@vermontel.net

Thanks for your help and please share this request

Californication

(spoiler alert)
Imagine my surprise when watching the season finale of this Showtime series and seeing a doula! In a minor plot line, the protagonist, Hank, may have gotten an acquaintance pregnant (the show is called Californication - it's very adult stuff) and thus is called to the home birth. The birthing woman is living with her boyfriend, a new age swami guy author, and they are having a waterbirth. She's sitting (very high up - I assume for purposes of being seen well on camera, becasue her position in the water was doing nothing to help her labor!) and is cursing, screaming for drugs and bemoaning changes to her, er, "anatomy"...
The doula says, in a dreamy voice, something like, "Let it go - it's about transcendence" and the birthing woman screams at her somthing like "FU, YOU F'ING DOULA!".

BUT - she has a healthy (dark-skinned, not Hank's) baby boy seconds later. No clue where the midwife was - maybe the swami guy is a doctor? But the reason I see this as more positive than negative is that homebirth on TV & film usually results in "emergency" transport, some sort of chastising for the "crazy" & "selfish", misguided plan and then salvation via cesarean (case in point - The L word - another Showtime show I love about a group of lesbian friends, written by women...that homebirth ended in a c-section...and pissed me off - they really had a chance to say something positive & they went the scary music route instead.) So I can live with someone in transition yelling at her doula...I'm just happy she had a doula and that the non-water-waterbirth happened without the plot requiring near-tragedy.
And you know what they say about press - bad or good, it's people talking.

PS: I love how TV/movies always use some three month old baby covered in red jello and try to pass it off as a newborn! No wonder women are frightened - they think they will be giving birth to a 15 pound baby!

ties that bind

Today I was meeting with clients and they said that it seems like they keep finding connections to me - meeting people who have taken a class with me or have had me attend their birth. How wonderful - I love being so connected to the wide circle that is my life.
In days gone by, I imagine that's what the town midwife or doctor felt like...being trusted to be a part of such peak rites of passage with members of my community. I was thinking about that yesterday as I set out for a day of one prenatal and two postpartum visits...being able to take time to explore with people the special place of having just given birth or being about to...holding a baby that is hours or days old.
I'm very lucky and I know it!

use your BRAIN

Was just reading about the BRAIN method of asking questions in labor at Crunchy Mom...she wrote:

if she wants to ask her doctor about the procedures discussed by using the B.R.A.I.N. acronym. That empowers her to ask about the benefits, risks, and alternatives to any procedure. Then we talk about what her intuition is telling her and ask if the intervention has to be done now. Then she has the power to make an informed consent.

I hadn't used the acronym before when suggesting these questions, but I will now!

follow up: Kidman

My friend Jill called all excited to hear that doulas had been mentioned on Oprah...I agree - to have a celebrity say that she had a birth where she was surrounded by women, including her doula & pause to make sure Oprah knew what it was...well, that's good stuff.

See for yourself in this clip from Huffington Post. The part I'm talking about starts at minute 2:33 of the clip. Check it out!

Nicole Kidman

...just told Oprah that she had a doula! The 41 year old calls her first birth experience "extraordinary" and "easy". Nice to hear...and she uses a sling too....way to go!

In an interview, she said,

"There's something very primal about giving
birth. It puts you in a state of being very raw."

Giving birth (to baby Sunday Rose) was easy, by the way.

...the star...has yet to hire a
daytime nanny. "I'd heard horror stories of 40 hours of labor, and I was
sure that would be me, but I had a very easy labor"

eleven

That's how old my oldest baby is...eleven years and about three hours old as I write this. Last night I woke up in the night and thought about my labor with him. It was long and hard, hard work but I have nothing but good memories of it.

Here's what I remember:
Much of it was spent with just my husband because I had a really long early labor. We walked and walked all around our Park Slope, Brooklyn neighborhood and I would sit on people's stoops or hang on their wrought iron gates during a contraction. We met a neighbor and told her what was going on and she cried and hugged me. A couple of contractions were spent with the cigar store indian on upper Seventh Avenue while my husband went in to buy cigars (Note: the smells of a cigar store and labor do not mix - I found out the hard way).
We also labored at home for a long time with our doula, Chris. She took charge when my folks managed to get here from Nashville before the baby I was laboring with. She sent them to a late dinner & movies and explained that they could use the upstairs entrance to our apartment so as not to bother me. Having extra people around (who tried to talk to me about normal stuff) was not helpful and made the work harder.
We spend some lovely time up on our roof terrace (once we nicely asked neighbors who didn't even have roof rights to take their partying friends indoors). We walked, we rocked on a glider, I slow danced with my husband and we looked at the biggest moon. That moon had a huge bright moon doggie circle around it and I remember thinking about Spiritual Midwifery where they talk about labor making things look all psychedelic, man...it's true.
I remember getting ready to leave and catching sight of myself in the mirror - no makeup. I laughed at my pregnancy thought of putting some on so I would look good in pictures. Yeah, right - as if anyone having a baby is in the mood for mascara.
I remember my doula calling for a car service to take us to the hospital and being impressed that she asked for a car of a non-smoking driver. Too bad I couldn't get the words out to say "Don't take Bowery! It's under construction!" So it was pot holes galore and the smell of asphalt. When I thought I would be sick (I wasn't), my husband offered me his cupped hands as a receptacle and for that I love him so much. And it's why I always tell people to bring a plastic bag in the car.
It was sort of funny how we got dropped off at the wrong hospital entrance (Beth Israel in NYC, just blocks from the church where we were married) and how I started walking, carrying my pillow, to the right entrance with the car service guy driving slowly beside me, asking me to get in, worried for me. He was so kind to us.
I remember how I instantly did not click with the nurse and how I tried to lock myself in the bathroom to get away from her talking to me. I also know that I didn't have to like her because I brought my own support, so I don't think I tried very hard, but good God was the woman an annoying pain. Some people luck out with great nurses, don't get me wrong.
I remember how I got checked right away and I was 8.5 cm. I got up to walk the halls, noticing my name on the board and seeing all the obligatory Mary Cassatt prints. How some residents came up and asked me if I was the first-timer who came in at 8.5cm and was still walking. Man, I must have walked so many miles that day.
I remember some resident coming in and asking me how "we" were doing and I said, "Well, I'M in labor and YOU'RE not my doctor, so please leave".
I remember crying and saying I couldn't do it and then saying to my doctor (who was super cool), "I think I just exhibited the emotional signpost for transition - please check me". She laughed and said I was right. When I was pushing I recall being so uninhibited, something I had been concerned about. I recall a distinct memory of thinking that a red double decker bus filled with tourists with cameras (I was picturing it in the room) could be there if it would help - that was the sort of deal-making I was willing to do.
I remember my husband saying, "wow- you're so flexible" as I used the squat bar in a different way, putting my feet on it and doing some kind of (unhelpful) back bend. I said to my doctor, "Come on - there has to be SOMETHING you can do" (code, because I wouldn't mention drugs etc.) and she replied, "You don't want that and you don't need that" - bless her.
I remember seeing evil nurse uncover the instruments table and recalling from my birthing class that this means they think it's almost time...but also being dubious when they told me I was close.
I remember not wanting the mirror I had requested. But I did touch my baby's head and I was concerned because it felt like a ripe peach...where were those bones? My husband said, "it's like a paintbrush" because the baby had so much hair.
I thought I might die. Or split in two. And eventually I made peace with this and decided to go ahead, whatever the price. I surrendered and he was born.
I have such love for everyone in the room when he was born too - even that nurse, who gave me the opportunity to exert my independence, even if she didn't mean to.
He was so beautiful and he still is. I love my first boy, so much like me it's scary. I love that he still looks like his baby self even as he gets more and more grown up looking.
That's what I was thinking about last night and this morning, as I reflect back on eleven years of motherhood.

*the picture above is a year old already

so nice

I just came home from the nicest postpartum visit. The dad said something like,

"You were right there when we needed you, and don't take this the wrong way because I mean it as a compliment, but I forgot you were there as the baby was being born...I think dad's are afraid they will be replaced by a doula but it wasn't like that at all. I'm so happy you were there - it made all the difference for us".

wow - what a wonderful compliment...but mostly for him because I was able to totally step back because he was doing such a wonderful job for her. I'm so happy for this family - they had the birth they really wanted and also really needed to heal from last time.

how doulas helped 9/11 families, then & now

On this day, I wish peace to all the families impacted, whether directly or indirectly, by that day seven yeas ago and still impacted today as our country is at war.
I thought it appropriate to look, if you're interested, at the nine month long (yup - three trimesters) volunteer program that offered free support and service to pregnant women widowed by the attacks. The participating providers studied the physiological and psychological effects of stress. The study was published in The Journal of Perinatal Education Vol. 12, No. 4, 2003

Childbirth Education and Doula Care During Times of Stress, Trauma, and Grieving
Debra Pascali-Bonaro, BEd, CD(DONA)

The organizer (and my friend, mentor & colleague), Debra Pascali-Bonaro, starts by saying,

"Immediately after the events of September 11, 2001, I
was privileged to play a unique role: coordinating a
volunteer program to provide support and service to
pregnant women in the greater New York/New Jersey
area, where I live, who had been widowed by the terrorist
attack. The result was an unprecedented collaborative
effort supported by numerous related agencies and indi-
vidual providers.
Despite the group’s impressively amassed knowledge
and resources, we identified many gaps in our under-
standing of how to address the needs of the widows of
9/11 and, in addition, how to generalize such under-
standing for the needs of other pregnant women in our
area who were experiencing stress, trauma, and grief for
any reason."

Also important to note is Operation Special Delivery, providing volunteer doulas for pregnant women whose husbands or partners have been severely injured or who have lost their lives due to the current war, or who will be deployed at the time they are due to give birth.

A birth attended by a doula where the husband was deployed is above. I originally saw the video here (& just saw her lovely post about today). This baby was born in my hometown, Nashville. I LOVE that this mom thanks her midwives for attending her birth, not delivering her baby!

"Another risk of cesarean surgery"

From the excellent blog, Spinning Babies:

"A 26-yr old woman was 8-weeks pregnant and experiencing some light bleeding. Her previous birth was by cesarean section. When an ultrasound was done to see the cause of her bleeding the technician could find no baby in her womb. Instead, the baby was developing in the separating edges of her cesarean scar!"

Read more, including the outcome .

Takin' its time

Ever wonder what ovulation looks like? Check out story here.

"theories had suggested an "explosive" release for the egg, but the ovulation he witnessed took 15 minutes to complete"

One degree of separation

I got a nice call today from a reader of The MotherHood. She is a new to the magazine and thought I might be able to help her find a pediatrician who will meet her where she is and will listen to her concerns respectfully. I shared with her my experiences of our family pediatrician, also a columnist for the magazine. I gave her other names as well.
We chatted a bit and she told me that her first three births were in a (now closed) NYC birthing center and that her last birth was at home...with the same midwife who attended me at my own last birth...small world!

Labor, virtually

I was checking out a (natural) birth website & saw this Virtual Labor game. Why not take a few trial runs & be reminded of some comfort measure options?
It's fun & you could even play some nice music, dim the lights and drink some RRL tea to set the mood!

Happy Day Out Of Time

My friend Jill, also a doula, came for a visit today (& brought me my favorite carrot muffin - thanks Jill!). She mentioned that tomorrow (now today) is the Day Out Of Time, and how wonderful it would be to attend or give birth on this day. What a perfect description of birth - timelessness, only this contraction, only now, a fresh start. And then there is that whole connection to how estimated due dates are calculated on a 28 day lunar month...
I thought it was such a cool concept that I decided to look it up & share:

as blogged on Verbal Viagra:
July 25th is the Gregorian Calendar’s date known as The Day Out of Time because it’s the 365th day of the Thirteen Moon Calendar. This harmonic timing standard measures the year in thirteen even months of 28 days each, a perpetual calendar of 52 perfect weeks, making a total of 364 days. The 365th day is technically not a day of the week or month at all, but truly ‘A Day Out of Time’. For this reason, this special day is observed as the day to cancel debts, to pardon and forgive, and to celebrate life through art and culture… So Happy Day out of Time, it’s a good day to make a fresh start! Make it a good one.

So to all the birthing women, to those who love and support them, to all the babies born, and to Jill, happy Day Out Of Time!