12 August 2008

Plan C

I was reading a post on another blog by a woman who is trying to recover from a (third) cesarean (while raising her 5 children) and having a tough time. She is getting no support from some people who think she should just pull herself up by her bra straps, as it were, and be fine and dandy after a few days. I posted a comment & it got me thinking...

People are such asshats sometimes - they want women to be all better & not need anything so that they can feel comfortable. When they ask "how are you", you feel like you are supposed to say "fine" to let them off the hook. And then offer them a cup of coffee, maybe a sandwich and some witty conversation. (It goes without saying that in this sort of scenario, one should be freshly showered, made up and fitting into one's skinny jeans already, with the laundry done and house gleaming). Oy.

Having babies can be wonderful & it can be hard - it's usually both at the same time, even without having to recover from major surgery...too bad that many folks have internalized the Hallmark version of birth & babies & life - that it should all be a glossy lens view of sweet bliss. If it were that way though, it would probably be pretty grim, without any texture in the long run. But in the moment, in the short run, it can kind of suck sometimes. Especially if you are told not to feel the way you do and it seems like you're letting people down, killing the fantasy.

Speaking of tough cesarean stories...I have a would-be client - she has had two prior cesareans and thought she had a doctor/midwife team supporting a VBA2C. She is a nurse and is incredibly well-informed. They have just told her they changed their minds. Game over. Thanks for playing. She is crushed & I wish I could make this different for her. I will offer her information on making it about the birth & not the surgery, but she has every right to her feelings...

Of course a healthy mom & baby is what ultimately matters, but it's not the only point...let's set our sights higher when possible.


labortrials said...

Yup, it's about a healthy baby AND mom. Mess with the mother/baby dyad and important psycho-physical processes can be impaired. If only more women thought BEYOND the birth itself to the long-term consequences of cesarean surgery.

Best wishes and thank you for being a doula!

DoulaMomma said...

You said it! Your blog looks great - I've added it to my blog roll